Doris Doomsday

17 Jan

We all know one – male or female.   These fine folks are the ones that no matter what you tell them – news item, random fact, day of the week….they sure as hell know a terrible story about it and want to share it.  

I’m afraid Living Dilbert has been having back problems resulting from a late dose of teenage idiopathic scoliosis that left me with a 40 degree curve.  I know, I know…you are already bored, so I’ll try to make this quick.  Basically, I’m 46 and now have the spine of an 80 year old and the mother fucker has been hurting – a lot, for 7 months.  I’ve tried it all – selective nerve root blocks, steriod injections, radio frequency lesioning…uh…acupuncture, cupping and the list goes on and on.   Unfortunately, it ain’t working.   There’s a very good chance Living Dilbert will be getting cut and fused in the near future.  Do I like it?  Hell, no.   Am I terrified?  Yes.  Am I wearing down from being in pain nearly 20 hours a day?   Oh, hell, yes.    Thank GOD, I like this job and the people so much and it has allowed me to continue to work, even though many days I drag my left leg down the hall, resemble Quasimodo with my grunts and drool (no humpback…but you get the facial implications of constant pain).   Hey, I can still walk -that’s a huge plus!

Now that you have the background…I can write many posts on this and try to keep it amusing!   Anyway, I told a lady here at work that I probably would be getting surgery…mistake.  The first thing she tells me is that of the two people that she knows of that had back surgery, they were both ultimately paralyzed and one died.   (Language disclaimer) Shut. The. Fuck. Up.   Why the fuck would she tell me that?  Oh, the same reason some other guy tells me that he had the surgery about 155 years ago and that his back is about to fall out.   Terrific, just the thing to cheer me!

Folks, I know none of you do this.   For any of you that may know someone who does, for the love of God PEOPLE, if someone shares with you…do not tell them how someone died from it, or pooped in their pants the rest of their lives or anything similar!   Put a GD gag in your mouth and fricking think before you speak!  

Living Dilbert is inches away from punching the next one who does this to me in the face.  I will simply blame my powerful pain meds.

28 Responses to “Doris Doomsday”

  1. Cori January 17, 2012 at 5:46 pm #

    People like this also drive me crazy, but you got the motherload! Who in the hell would ever share such horrible stories and what did they expect you to say in response?! I think I have experienced more of a Debbie Downer. Doris sounds like she can expect a lifetime of the world’s nastiness looks sprinkled with slaps.

    Your back can be repaired, but she’s out of luck on that personality thing.

  2. Pkitass January 17, 2012 at 5:47 pm #

    I took my daughter to the ER last week cause her back pain became so bad she couldn’t stand up. They sent us home saying there’s nothing they can do and a prescription for Motrin :/
    Wishing you well a fast recovery :)

    • livingdilbert January 17, 2012 at 5:49 pm #

      I laugh in the face of Motrin! Lordy, did they even do xrays?

  3. jamieahughes January 17, 2012 at 9:27 pm #

    My father and brother both had very successful back surgery–one in the early 1990s and the other last year. Both were 100% successful, and the patients are just fine. There has been amazing progress between the two surgeries. My father’s was very invasive, and my brother’s—if you can believe this—was outpatient. I have no doubt your’s will be just as successful. I’ll keep you in my prayers!

    • livingdilbert January 18, 2012 at 9:54 am #

      Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are one of the first to tell me something nice!!! It helps a lot!!

  4. Angela Eichor January 17, 2012 at 9:47 pm #

    I will be praying for you, successful surgery, a full recovery, and comfort afterward. I hate when people do that, though I am certain I have probably done that at least once. The good news is that that woman is not in charge of outcomes, God is!

    Be blessed and keep us posted on everything.

    angela@newhopestudios.com

  5. Lena January 18, 2012 at 8:09 am #

    I know…. seriously people! All you want is some sympathetic “hmmn mnnn” to show they are listening but you really do not want their doomsday stories, or in some cases, their alternative suggestions. Just listen and shut up!

    PS: Good luck with the back…

  6. thoughtsappear January 18, 2012 at 8:26 am #

    I’m sorry to hear you’re in pain. =( When’s the surgery?

    • livingdilbert January 18, 2012 at 9:56 am #

      I am not sure….I go for a 2nd surgical opinion on 1/27. The 1st neurosurgeon always suggests a second opinion, which I like. Plus, he wants to see what they say they would do compared to what he’d do! I almost feel like I’m in some kind of try outs!

      Thank you for your kind words and I’ll keep you posted. You SURE know I’m glad I’m not with Bad Boss anymore…I’d be totally screwed.

  7. Jill January 18, 2012 at 10:42 am #

    While I was in LABOR, in the freaking HOSPITAL getting ready to have my first baby, my sister in law decides to share a news story about how many babies are kidnapped from hospital nurseries every year.

    Thanks. Thanks a lot for confirming only ONE of the million fears I have about babies.

    She was banned from the room after that.

    Your surgery is going to be one of those “why did I wait so long to do this?!” kind of things – you’ll be glad you did it. Good luck!

  8. Octopusgrabbus January 18, 2012 at 11:50 am #

    You have a lot of folks giving you suggestions. Who am I not to add mine.

    Have you talked to an Osteopath, who practices Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine? No D. O. I know would claim they could straighten your spine, but they might have ideas that could help you and might even agree with surgery.

    I don’t know your area of the country, but if you email me, I’ll send you information for Greater Boston. William Foley might know people in your area.

    I have a small amount, micro compared to yours, of lumbar scoliosis, and a herniated disk. I have been in good back shape for over twenty years.

    Good luck.

    • livingdilbert January 18, 2012 at 11:57 am #

      I appreciate good comments! I have been to a D.O. several times and even tried a mild form of traction from him. Even he agreed that anything at this point, seems to make it more angry. I’m in the Atlanta area and working with Dr. Kaveh Khajavi and will be going to Dr. Daniel Refai at the Emory Spine Center for the second opinion! Thank you!

  9. acupuncture for back pain January 18, 2012 at 2:59 pm #

    Appreciating the time and effort you put into your site and in depth information you provide. It’s awesome to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same unwanted rehashed material. Wonderful read! I’ve saved your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  10. Belle1231 January 18, 2012 at 3:05 pm #

    Damn glad you’re back at the keyboard! I’d say it’s about damn time, but we’re waaaaaay past that! Kick ass! Who cares about their names? You want help dealing with stupids? I’m so there for you! xoxoxoxoxox

  11. yellowcat January 18, 2012 at 3:25 pm #

    My mom and two of my friends had back surgery…and it made their lives soooo much better. My mom waited too long and has some nerve damage in her right leg so DON’T PUT THIS OFF!

    PS No one I know poops their pants.

    • livingdilbert January 19, 2012 at 11:17 am #

      I really hope I don’t have nerve damage. I’ve moved this along as fast as I can…they make you jump through so many hoops first unless it is a clear case, I guess. Screamed while getting in the car this morning – so, its just got to help! I better warn my neighbors about my screaming.

    • livingdilbert January 19, 2012 at 1:51 pm #

      and, sweet Yellow Cat, one of the doctors actually told me if I DO start pooping in my pants to go to the ER immediately. Nice.

  12. faithlooksup January 18, 2012 at 5:54 pm #

    Sorry to hear of your back. I know surgery was a last resort on your mind, but once it’s done, you’ll feel brand spanking new :). BTW, welcome back to blogging again.

  13. harlsmits January 18, 2012 at 6:08 pm #

    My friend’s husband just got part of his back fused and he is A LOT better now that he had it done. There were no complications or anything like that. Just make sure you go to a good hospital with a good team of doctors.

  14. tryityoumightlikeit January 20, 2012 at 12:57 pm #

    Here’s wishing you the best of all scenarios! It sounds pretty scary to me.

    I’m not going to share my scary moments in life…’cuz obviously you don’t want to hear it. I’ll just share that humor and baking cookies for other people helped me get through it all with a smile.

  15. Amy January 23, 2012 at 7:09 pm #

    Back pain is The. Worst. I had a ruptured disk that hurt by itself, then it pushed on a nerve and my whole right leg hurt as well. You can’t concentrate on life with pain like that. Everything revolves around the pain.
    I had surgery and walked out of the hospital four hours later without any pain. It was the best thing I’ve ever done.
    I’m pulling for you and hope that you find a solution to your pain very soon.

  16. knowledgemaven January 29, 2012 at 9:07 pm #

    This was hilarious! I’ve encountered this before…as soon as I let the words slip out my mouth remorse immediately sets in. There are some Alice Awkwards and Sammy Sunshines out there who just don’t know what to say. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

  17. cooper January 30, 2012 at 1:58 pm #

    as a fellow sufferer of teenage idiopathic scoliosis (although mine was when I WAS a teenager) I sympathize. Nothing hurts worse than back pain. No way to get comfortable. I have one friend who had the surgery and became instantly popular and won the lottery.

    • livingdilbert January 31, 2012 at 5:25 pm #

      Thank you…I don’t meet many people that have had this! It appears to be a mystery to the docs why I’m having such specific pain. Going to see 3rd neurosurgeon tomorrow, who is allegedly more of an expert. I can’t stand to hear “You should have had the surgery when you were 15″ one more time! It wasn’t like I refused it…I was not given the option! I was a 39 degree – good ole Milwaukee brace got it down in the 20s and now its’ 40. Do you remember your degree? I hope yours never gives you any lip! :-)

      • cooper February 3, 2012 at 3:22 pm #

        I don’t recall ever having a number attached. I do remember my left shoulder dipping about 5 inches lower than my right. I was fortunate in that I was able to avoid the surgery, although the first doctor I went to wanted to start excavating immediately. I found (or my parents found) a back guy who was willing to try out spcific exercizes and routines to strengthen specific muscles. I spent the better part of two weeks on my stomach, literally 24/7, doing leg exercizes and then a lot of swimming (I hate swimming). There are times when the muscles give me issues and I have to go back to the strengthening routines. Sometimes it’s as simple as a bad pair of shoes.

  18. Colleen February 1, 2012 at 4:36 pm #

    OMG!!!! You are so right S. T. F. U.!!!!! When I was pregnant all I heard from people was about babies born without limbs, eyes, etc., etc., etc. REALLY????

    I wish you much success in finding a solution. Have you considered talking to a naturalist?

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