I’m afraid Living Dilbert has been having back problems resulting from a late dose of teenage idiopathic scoliosis that left me with a 40 degree curve.  I know, I know…you are already bored, so I’ll try to make this quick.  Basically, I’m 46 and now have the spine of an 80 year old and the mother fucker has been hurting – a lot, for 7 months.  I’ve tried it all – selective nerve root blocks, steriod injections, radio frequency lesioning…uh…acupuncture, cupping and the list goes on and on.   Unfortunately, it ain’t working.   There’s a very good chance Living Dilbert will be getting cut and fused in the near future.  Do I like it?  Hell, no.   Am I terrified?  Yes.  Am I wearing down from being in pain nearly 20 hours a day?   Oh, hell, yes.    Thank GOD, I like this job and the people so much and it has allowed me to continue to work, even though many days I drag my left leg down the hall, resemble Quasimodo with my grunts and drool (no humpback…but you get the facial implications of constant pain).   Hey, I can still walk -that’s a huge plus!

Now that you have the background…I can write many posts on this and try to keep it amusing!   Anyway, I told a lady here at work that I probably would be getting surgery…mistake.  The first thing she tells me is that of the two people that she knows of that had back surgery, they were both ultimately paralyzed and one died.   (Language disclaimer) Shut. The. Fuck. Up.   Why the fuck would she tell me that?  Oh, the same reason some other guy tells me that he had the surgery about 155 years ago and that his back is about to fall out.   Terrific, just the thing to cheer me!

Folks, I know none of you do this.   For any of you that may know someone who does, for the love of God PEOPLE, if someone shares with you…do not tell them how someone died from it, or pooped in their pants the rest of their lives or anything similar!   Put a GD gag in your mouth and fricking think before you speak!  

Living Dilbert is inches away from punching the next one who does this to me in the face.  I will simply blame my powerful pain meds.

Do yourself a favor, when and if you spot that pesky, rogue nose hair in the mornings – STOP IT, CLIP IT, RID YOURSELF OF THE BURDEN then and there.   Don’t put it off like me.  I’ll be tucking that sucker back in all day!

Hope you all had a fantastic holiday – we have a LOT to catch up on together.

I understand a lot of people are new or maybe just catching up on my blog for the first time in a while. If this is the case, I recommend you start with this post and go from there to get caught up. Or not. I guess you don't have to, do what you want! If Tuesday was my worst day since being admitted to hospital, then Thursday was probably my best day. I love how things work out like that. As mentioned earlier, I had a PET scan in the next city ov … Read More

via The Great Balancing Act

For the past two months I have been working on making a video to honor Little Tiki Tiki. It took me a long time to complete because I was only able to work on it for a couple of days at a time. I found myself crying to much as I went thru hundreds upon hundreds of the pictures we had taken of  him ……  On a good day I would go thru the photos trying to choose the best ones of him then  I would start to feel the warmth of my tears running down … Read More

via All I Know Is This…..

First, I’ve been reading all your blogs and have been so happy to keep
up with you.  I can keep up even better now because I am not in a
bone-numbing depression that makes me want to gauge my own eyes out and throw them at people.  

My life has taken such a turn.  I LOVE the new job and it couldn’t be
any more different from the days at You Really Should Retire, I Don’t Do Crap and Good Ole Boy LLC.  I’ve been here about 9 weeks now and I have to fight the urge to hug my new bosses every day.  We’ll get into that more
later. 

How have I managed some of my PTSD?  I actually have it…I’m not
kidding.  I’ve had many nightmares, found myself filled with anxiety and
the desire for revenge, and so on.  Classic symptoms!  

I may have done something a bit naughty.  You know how Bad Boss hates
recycling and anything good in the world?  He also hates people that drink green tea.  Don’t ask me why
the man is the way he is, but he hates people for the stupidest reasons I’ve ever heard!   I went to a
website where you can order all types of free catalogs and let me tell
you – he has a ==load of them coming his way!   To the old workplace, his home, etc.  He’ll never have another question about the following topics again – recycling, recycling at work, Big Boy suits, teas of every kind, erectile dysfunction and so on.  Oh, the look of hate on his face when he gets junk mail fills me with pure delight!

You know I have to find my delight in subtle ways.  I wish I could say I’m a big enough person to let bygones be bygones, but to hell with that! 

I won’t make this one too long, but I’M BACK and thank you again for the breather!   You inspire me.

Next Time – I Can’t Poo at this Job….

A special thank you to Heart of Gold for riding my ass…..I still had 1 hour and 55 minutes!

Living Dilbert is getting used to Living Life again!  YAY – with Bad Bosses out of the picture, we are able to enjoy life with a cup half full feeling.  Actually, what you all may not know is that Living Dilbert is a “cup half full” kind of gal.  But not with Bad Boss #1, #2, and #3 sucking the life out of her good disposition.

Let me fill you in on her recent full of life activities: she started her new job and is working her ass off –AND loving it!  We have just finished an awesome vacation — we ate at yummy restaurants, spent time with friends, saw a show, shopped, read and just chilled.  All this because Bad Boss #1 was not around to give her excuses as to why this wouldn’t be a good week for him for LD to take her vacation!

And as I sit here – knowing that I don’t have her gift of gab — LD wants you to know how much she appreciates you and still enjoys reading your blogs.

How did the resignation go?   Certainly better than expected and since I have vowed never to lie to you or to embellish…it was downright anti-climactic.  I did have to tell Bad Boss that I needed to chat and that is corporate lingo for “I’m quitting your ass.”  He figured it out prior to our talk and was quite decent and wished me the best of luck.  He DID say, “well, I understand since things around here haven’t really gone as planned.”   REALLY?  “Haven’t gone as planned?”  How about it has been a 2.5 year living nightmare??   I can tell you that unless things change, which they won’t, this pooh hole will not be open in two years.

Ok, you will get more on this later because I suspect I will be feeling PTSS for many, many days.  

Some highlights from Thursday?  (I was off Friday and went to see Big Brother for the weekend):

I told Rough n Tough I was leaving and I was kind, gracious and decent.  Her response?  “I really don’t care where you are going.”  Uh…ok, and I walked off .   How about this?  I know you drink during the day and in your car on the way home and I’m going to tell!!!!  

Useless Coworker started crying the second Bad Boss told her, which he insisted on doing before I could get to her.  She cried every time she looked at me and had to go home at 3:50 because she was so upset.  Oh…she has many, many reasons to cry.  One big one is that she should have listened to me the 1,000 times I tried to teach her things that would help her.  Hindsight is a bitch.

Bad Boss #2 has not spoken to me or looked at me since.   Bad Boss has run around like a chicken all day so far asking me questions and I think reality is sinking in for his sorry ass.  I’m trying to stick with the good karma thing and already typed detailed instructions on the things I did that he needs to know.   Oh yes, he’s already lost the email and asked me to resend and to print it out for him.

Oh, the troubles they are going to have….and here I go again, stifling my SCREAMS OF DELIGHT!   More to come….

THANK YOU for your amazing emails, thoughts, and general shared hatred for these yahoos.  You’ve kept me alive.  I am NOT going anywhere, ok?   I will keep posting!   I still have LOTS to say.

To Bad Bosses:

SEE YA, you ungrateful, “my shit doesn’t stink”, stupid, thoughtless, little, judgmental, mean-spirited, selfish little elitist assholes.  I hope you make many realizations in the next coming weeks, but I suspect you won’t due to all of the above.   May they all give you a small pang of regret.  Furthermore, kiss my effing ass.

I dragged myself back to Horrid Law Firm, with my head hanging low and sat at my desk with the best fake smile I could muster.   THEN…it happened.   My cell phone rang and I recognized the number.   I got up from my desk and raced to the storage closet!   On the other end of the line, I heard the sweetest words I’ve ever heard, “Living Dilbert, is that you?  The partners really enjoyed getting to know you more and WE’D LIKE TO OFFER YOU THE JOB!!”  After regaining the use of my speaking abilities….I happily accepted!  IT HAS HAPPENED !!!   I GOT THE JOB!!!

Today is going to be a Bad Day for Bad Boss….resignation will follow in early afternoon….stay tuned!!!

In the meantime, to keep from completely snapping….I try to mind my own business at my desk.  “Just lay low,” I whisper to myself.    This was my total mindset today until IT happened.   IT, you ask?    Yes…believe it or not, whilst in hell already, I was just subjected to hearing a roaring, loud, drawn-out, disgusting fart from Bad Boss #3′s office.   Did I hear that right???  Could this really be happening??   Do I matter that little?  

It took everything I had in me to NOT shout, “That’s the last god damn thing I needed to hear around here – although it is quite a fitting commentary on our business model and your law practice.”   I didn’t though…I need this job til next week.

I hope this horridness never happens to you.  If so, be strong my friends.   Not everyone could do this job.  Remember, it’s nearly the weekend.  I pray I can forget that repulsive sound by tomorrow….

More and more….I just don’t care.   YES, I would love the new job at that place and am praying, literally praying and Main Squeeze did a vision board that I get the job.   The decision date by said firm is 9/20.   Isn’t it dangerous to start acting so wildly like I don’t care about this butt crust of a place anymore?  I’ve had to stifle my pat response now a couple of times…the words dance around my tongue and come dangerously close to escaping my lips more and more.   It may happen…Rough N Tough has been pushing my buttons.   She is rude, crude and just itching for a bar brawl.   Next time she approaches me with a request or a negative comment, I so want to say, “You know what RnT?   I really don’t give a shit anymore.  Why don’t you go eff yourself?”  God, that made me feel so good just to write it!   For some reason she has stopped talking to me, a blessing in itself, but it also makes me wonder, “What the fu** did I do?”   Want to know the only person in this office lately that has even noted my mere existence?   Useless Coworker!  Folks, I have to change my allegiance regarding UC…she’s listened, been learning new things and actually seems to care about me. When Main Squeeze’s aunt passed away, she was the only one that asked me how we were…who EVER asks me how I am.  Hell, she hasn’t even been useless in about 6 weeks.  I have to give the girl credit.   Rough N Tough is now tops on my “you suck” list.  

Other signs of trouble?   I don’t even care what I wear to work anymore.  I used to like dressing all fancy and lawyerish…but, now as long as my body is covered with some form of fabric, I could give a crap.   Maybe I’ll wear the same pants all week and just change my shirt.  If it’s clean…it works.   Am I turning into a straight guy?

Bad Bosses ask me to do things and I blatantly lie through my teeth.  “Oh, that pocket part update?   You haven’t gotten it yet?!  Really?!   Well, I ordered it!”   Folks, I didn’t order any damn publications!  I don’t care!!!  I guess I’ll have to order it today, but should have 6 weeks ago.   I’ve been having far more fun readjusting Rough N Tough’s printer each day after she leaves.  Did any of you see “Serial Mom”?  That is who I am becoming.  On my way to work, all I could think is..what can I do today to torture another person in my office?   My karma is taking a beating!   Oh well, I’ll work on karma in my next job.  Being a decent human being only hurts me here.