To Hell with the Earth, I’ve Got a Law Firm to Run!

24 Mar

My boss hates recycling.   Let me rephrase that…my boss despises recycling.   He has expressly forbidden me to do any recycling of anything in our office.  Being that I feel responsible for killing future children and that my actions may cause our sun to die, I do it anyway.   One of the other lawyers sees me sneak out recycling bags late in the evening, but so far has not ratted me out.   I’m sure he will blackmail me with it one day. 

We drink canned sodas and bottled waters in our offices.  Everyone seems to want their own flavor of everything.   Bad Boss drinks as many 20 oz. bottles of water as he can swill a day and then happily leaves a trail of water bottles around the office like bait just daring me to collect them.  I’ve finally learned to try to wait him out and then I sneak them out of the trash.  Sometimes I take a look at myself and think “My God, I’m actually having to SNEAK recycling out of the trash!   What the hell?!”   If I’m not quick enough on my feet to outsmart him, he also likes to throw away our recycled paper before I can put it in the shredding bin.   It’s not like I make it hard to recycle!   I keep it neat and clean…it could be done with one release of his hand!  He tolerates a few blue recycle bins around the office, but he will not put things in there and he’s told me NOT to empty them.  

I’m also one of those “crazies” that returns the HP toner cartridges from our printers to HP for recycling.  Hell, they are paying the shipping, why shouldn’t I?  I get pictures in my head of landfills overflowing with the things!   Bad Boss saw my very tidy stash hidden under my desk recently and told me…TOLD ME to “throw them in the trash and they’ll go to the landfill…it won’t matter”.   Ok, folks…he has 4 young fricking kids!  I tried that argument about preserving the earth for his spawn, but he laughed me off and said that the ozone problems and the filling up of our landfills was merely a myth.   You know, I’d forgotten he was also a geothermal scientist!   Silly me! 

I wonder if I could actually get fired for recycling?   I’d hang my head in shame at the unemployment office and they’d ask me “Why did you leave your last job?” and I’d have to say “I recycled.”  

Coming Tomorrow – “How to Annoy Your Controlling Boss”

5 Responses to “To Hell with the Earth, I’ve Got a Law Firm to Run!”

  1. chrislipjournal March 24, 2010 at 8:59 am #

    Ha! I like your boss’s logic: “More garbage causes more garbage in landfills? That’s a myth.” 🙂

    Rob Hanson of the Chrislip Journal

    • livingdilbert March 24, 2010 at 9:23 am #

      Thank you! These are all true stories! I’m flattered you got a chuckle!

  2. Alice March 24, 2010 at 9:03 am #

    Bad Boss…. holy crap, it will be a while before I stop laughing at that!! It’s just perfect. 🙂

  3. Cori March 24, 2010 at 12:14 pm #

    No wonder you started this blog- you are an excellent writer and you have a wealth of ridiculous material from work. Bad boss indeed!!

  4. nia June 9, 2010 at 2:57 am #

    i just stumbled on ur blog and decided to read from the first post, but at fourth post, i feel that i MUST leave you a comment cuz i feel guilty of having a laugh at your misery.

    i cannot imagine working for such bosses. its making me count my lucky stars.

    anyhow, im enjoying a great read so far, keep up the good work!

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