Lawyer Pissing Contests

29 Mar

Gosh, that sounds unpleasant, doesn’t it?   I’m talking figuratively, of course.  Lawyers running around the office beating their chests and demanding respect.   Let me tell you, it IS unpleasant…downright nauseating.  In my old law firm there was once a big turmoil between two partners on my floor.   Unfortunately, I was acting floor manager that day, so I was lucky enough to have to deal with it.   Hmmm…what were they fighting over?  Stealing of the credit for a new big deal?   One telling the other that he didn’t go to Harvard or an ivy league college, so therefore he was a lesser human being with limited brain function?   No.  One partner was unbelievably upset because he felt the other partner had approximately 1 more foot of window space than he did.  Yep, that’s right.   One effing more foot of window space – who gives a rat’s ass?  These are fellows making $800,000 to $1.6 million annually and they are upset about another office possibly having more window space.   Most staff wonder if they have enough money for lunch for the week.  Kind of puts things in perspective, huh?  

Other common pissing contest categories – who went to what college (you are nothing if you didn’t graduate in the top 2% of your class from a nationally recognized law school or university), who knows whom (name-dropping and who can drop the biggest) , new deals (who has what and who actually reeled it in), who has the nicest watch, who drives the most expensive car, who has a nanny and a housekeeper, and the list goes on.

Sirs, in the scheme of things, you have gotten so drunk with power and your self-perceived importance, that you can’t even see that these things DO NOT MATTER in life.   What matters is if you are a good human being, kind, considerate of the folks that make a gajillion less than you that work their asses off every day to help you….we don’t care about your window space.   Actually, we just think you must be really unhappy or have a small wee wee.  

Tomorrow – You Want to Put What WHERE??

5 Responses to “Lawyer Pissing Contests”

  1. alchiketi March 29, 2010 at 10:04 am #

    LivingDilbert, you are a saint to continue to work with these a-holes. Just wondered…did you have a prank figured out to sully the pristine windows?

  2. Office1 March 29, 2010 at 10:09 am #

    good lord…definitely small wee wees in your office

  3. livingdilbert March 29, 2010 at 10:13 am #

    Dearest Office1, sadly, I was still pretty young and scared to exact revenge. The best I could do with the one main troublemaker in that incident was to purposely let the door close on him anytime he was behind me while entering the building…pretty lame, but wonderfully subtle.

  4. MB April 15, 2010 at 8:31 pm #

    I once had a lawyer try to comfort me after I didn’t get the raise I expected. She said “We all have money problems. My husband and I had to sell our summer home so I could pay for law school.”

    Really? Was that supposed to make me feel better? Did she really think it was the same as me not having enough $$ to pay the rent or not having two nickles to rub together the day before payday?

    As you can see, I recently found your blog so I’m catching up on older posts and totally relating to everything. I’ve been on (f)unemployment since November and I can’t imagine going back.

  5. LachyTV July 31, 2010 at 10:11 pm #

    Your Blog Cracks me up! I love it right now I’m going back and reading from the start.

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