Brainless Coworkers

1 Apr

Actually, I should clarify – Useless Coworkers.   I bet most of you have one at your office too.  

10 Tell-Tale Signs of a Useless Coworker

1-They call in sick all the time and seem to have a knack for doing so when you need them most.  One cough from my Useless Coworker at her desk and I know…she’s going to call in sick tomorrow.

2-Cannot for the life of them follow instructions even if told 9 billion times.  Writing it down seems to make no difference.  Each time you try to explain yet again, they look at you with a blank face and act as if it is the very first time they’ve ever heard a human utter a word- like it is a complete surprise you created just to trick them.

3-If a Useless Coworker spots the slightest chance to leave early, they leave you in the trail of their dust as they break the speed of sound bolting for the door.

4-They are an IT person’s nightmare and the mere sight of them makes the IT person cuss under their breath.  They’ve caught viruses several times, broken their cd/dvd drive, think a hard reboot can be accomplished by unplugging their entire surge protector in which several things are powered.

5-They cry at the drop of a hat.  One Useless Coworker has been known to cry if she woke up too early that morning, anyone speaks to her in a different inflection of voice, you look at her funny, she has more than two things to do at once or if she’s had a fight with her husband.   She’s in her late 50s.

6-You dream daily of how you can get rid of a Useless Coworker and how you will dispose of her body in one of the big shredding bins in the back because no matter what, you believe in recycling.

7-She has had you order every ergonomic aid known to man, but still says that her desk doesn’t “sit” right and you often find her sitting on things other than her chair.

8-She makes it a point to stop by your desk about 14 more times than you’d like to tell you how hard she is working even though you work about 90 more hours a week and she races out the door 10 minutes early every day.

9-She can’t come to work if it is raining too hard, snowing , the sun is shining too brightly or anything else she can think of. 

10-They can’t think their way out of a paper sack.  They need constant direction.  “My printer is out of toner, what should I do?”   Uh…I’ll give you one guess.    

While I honestly support helping one’s coworker and the spirit of teamwork….sometimes…whew…it is a lost cause.

Tomorrow – UH OH Signals of Burnout

5 Responses to “Brainless Coworkers”

  1. katie o. April 1, 2010 at 10:46 am #

    I really do need an ergonomic chair! Can I have hers? 🙂

  2. Office1 April 1, 2010 at 11:23 am #

    This was my all time favorite from a very useless co-worker. She made me come into her office to see if I “smelled something funny.” Seriously…I walk in…take a whiff…I’m like, “Nope.” She says, “Really, well I think I’m going to lay down for awhile then” and proceeds to take a two hour nap on company time.

    No kidding.

  3. Cori April 1, 2010 at 3:54 pm #

    I know a few of these people and my friend in IT is an angel for dealing with them. IDIOTS!!

  4. shutterboo April 14, 2010 at 3:09 pm #

    First, I am having so much fun reading through this blog. *high fives*
    Second, my useless co-worker was a temporary hire. Meaning she knew she’d be let go 6 months later so her happy ass did nothing. I told them we didn’t need her; I was ignored and instead spent 3 hours of my days fixing all the mistakes she made because she’s 25 and incompetent. And her nails kept her from properly using a 10-key. I offered my manicure set and she declined. I still feel the repercussions from her dismissal. Ugh.

  5. Laura November 7, 2014 at 1:48 pm #

    haha, I know I’m late on this one but I can relate. Worse she’s not just a coworker, she’s my “employee” … and her dad is my boss.

    It’s been a year and a half and she still has to send me everything she does to be checked for mistakes… good thing she was brought on to “help me out” – I once timed her when she was texting instead of working, she didnt touch her keyboard for 45 minutes. Cries if I say anything to her at all, and has taken 5 weeks off so far this year and already has 8 days booked for the first week of the new year.

    worst.

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