Fantasy Letters of Resignation

6 Apr

Let’s just pretend here for a moment…it keeps me going.   Here are some bullet points that would be AWESOME to put in a letter to Bad Boss:

1 – Clearly you have serious anger management issues interspersed with a personality disorder.   I am leaving you the names of several certified therapists.

2-May you rot in hell for all eternity.

3-When you were young, did you aspire to be such an asshole or was it just something in which you naturally excelled?

4-As I told people I was leaving you, I’ve never received so many high-fives in my life.  People were taking bets on how long I’d last working for you and I outlived most predictions.

5-No, I didn’t win the lottery, you are just that BAD of a boss.

6-Remember that $35 box of business cards you didn’t want to buy me?   Maybe you shouldn’t have.   I left them on your desk.

7-I’ve been telling my friends and many of your peers what an terd you are for months.  I wouldn’t expect too many more business referrals.

8-All the people that you refuse to talk to for months…all the call screening I’ve done for you, well…I gave them your cell and home number.

9-If you are anything at home like you are here at work, I’d save those therapist recommendations for your kids.   They are going to need it.

10-You will miss me.  You have no idea all I did for you and you still managed to blow it.  I never even asked you for a raise…and you sure didn’t give one.

Whew, just felt really good to get that out. 

Tomorrow – IT Hilarities

7 Responses to “Fantasy Letters of Resignation”

  1. alchiketi April 6, 2010 at 11:15 am #

    Just what I needed today! I’ve been rehersing my own letter of R for quite some while now.

  2. Office1 April 6, 2010 at 11:34 am #

    One of my favorites from a recent “resignation moment”

    All the co-workers said to the one leaving, “You know…when one rat gets to jump ship, all the other rats are thrilled and cheer”Go..Go…Go for freedom.”

    Not kidding…I really heard this.

  3. katie o. April 6, 2010 at 7:35 pm #


  4. Cori April 7, 2010 at 6:53 pm #

    Love it!! Well said.

  5. livingdilbert April 7, 2010 at 9:14 pm #

    Sweet Readers, I am thinking up more Fantasy Letters of Resignation every day!

  6. Jeff308M1 April 8, 2010 at 6:09 pm #

    How about,
    ” Through your toxic management and leadership, twisted personality, and utter lack of people skills, you have managed to turn a motivated and optimistic employee who once thought highly of you into someone who hates coming to work, dreads your presence, and grew to dream of escape from your doomed-to-failure firm. Do you consider yourself a successful businessman? or a loser? The verdict is in!”

    • Alice April 9, 2010 at 9:00 am #

      Wow Jeff308M1, you should be a professional resignation letter writer. You could start your own website like all those resume writing people. You’d have had my business! 🙂

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