Pull This Out of Your Ass, Will You?

8 Apr

People, I bet this has happened to you…perhaps you’ve just not come up with a catch phrase for it.  Best Friend and I like to use the words, “Hey, pull this out of your ass, will you?” amongst ourselves when a Bad Boss asks you to do an impossible task with absolutely no prior notice.   Hmmm….an example of this would be when a Bad Boss approaches you at 12:15 to ask you to order lunch for 15 to be delivered five minutes ago.  Keep in mind you asked him the day before if he wanted to order lunch for this meeting and he said no.  Last time I checked, we are not a Subway.  I do not bake bread each morning, I just figuratively wipe butts.  Another example, “Hey, can you make this document do such and such?”  No, I can’t …the technology has not even been invented to do what you ask.   Apparently, if a lawyer has seen something done once in their entire lifetime, they think you can miraculously do the same exact task on the spot – no matter of your software, technical ability, number of staff on-hand, whether or not you have a mailroom, unlimited funds, etc.  It can be quite frustrating.  Better yet, is having a Bad Boss that will not take “no” for an answer.  Bad Boss does that all the time – maybe he thinks I’m playing the part of First Officer Riker on the old Star Trek Next Generation and he just stands towering over my desk like Captain Picard and says “Make it so.”  Well, this ain’t Hollywood, ass face.

Best Friend has an ideal response to such absurdity that she has used in the past and it is classic.  It goes like this – when Bad Boss comes to you with an impossible task that he uncaringly thinks you can just pull from your ass, proceed to look at him while seated, lean to one side to clearly lift a butt cheek up from your chair and slowly look at your butt, look at him, look at your butt, then look him in the eye and say “Really?!?”   It usually shuts them up for a bit.  Try it if you dare.

Tomorrow – How to Pass the Time in a Failing Business

4 Responses to “Pull This Out of Your Ass, Will You?”

  1. Alice April 8, 2010 at 8:43 am #

    “Well, this ain’t Hollywood, ass face.” Classic.

  2. Wally April 8, 2010 at 9:54 am #

    Way too funny!!!!

  3. Jeff308M1 April 8, 2010 at 6:11 pm #

    The only reply to such requests that I can think of is (in a monotone with a deadpan expression), “You..are..a…moron.”

  4. Cori April 8, 2010 at 7:34 pm #

    Ditto Alice- that was exactly what I was going to write!! Classic indeed!

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