How to Go Poo While at Work

12 Apr

Gosh, this subject is so broad.  No one really likes to bring up the subject, but when they do it seems everyone has their own delightful experiences.  As I’ve mentioned in a past post, I try to never go poo at work if at all humanly possible.    However, when I absolutely must, these are part of my mantra:

* Make sure the coast is clear.  In the past, Best Friend and I were awful and would put an out of order sign on the ladies restroom door and if anyone even headed in that direction, the other (who was acting as the look out) would say “Oh, I’m sorry miss, there has been a hellacious flood in there…you’ll have to go downstairs.  Sorry for the inconvenience.”   It usually buys the other person a few minutes of tranquility.

* Timing is everything.  IF you have to go and the coast is actually clear, don’t dilly-dally in there!   Push and run!   Get out of there as soon as possible.   IF someone else comes in and you are actually caught in the stall, then you will have to play the game of “wait them out” and that can be a whole different, face-blushing disaster.

* IF you must go poo….please, for God’s sake, do so politely.   There is nothing worse than walking in prepared to take care of business and you innocently head to the stall (with very little time to work with) and there appears to have been wild rhinoceros that came in before you and poo’d all over the place!   I never, ever, ever want to see remnants of anyone else’s poo.  It is the grossest thing in the world, by far.   DO NOT LEAVE piles anywhere, and do not leave skid marks!  GROSS!   How anyone can think this is ok is beyond me.

* Don’t leave your little makeshift toilet seat cover made out of toilet paper hanging on the toilet.  This actually makes me heave.  I don’t want to see a half-submerged, make-shift toilet cover or an actual toilet cover hanging on the rim for dear life.   When I come across this, I start getting horrific mental pictures.   If no other choices are available, then I’m the one having to push it in with my foot while fighting my heaving reflexes.  Why do this to people?

Poo, poo quietly, get the hell out of there and don’t leave any mess!   We are all human and we all have to poo, but it can be done with a little consideration for your fellow humans!

Tomorrow – Getting Lawyers Their Lunch

6 Responses to “How to Go Poo While at Work”

  1. Cori April 12, 2010 at 10:47 am #

    I agree completely, but have to add the “courtesy flush”. It is the hallmark of public bathroom pooing civility in my humble opinion…

  2. cooper April 14, 2010 at 12:18 pm #

    Those are everyday triflings….how about not talking on the phone while pooing? When some oaf walks into the stall next to me I flush as often as possible…maybe the person on the other end of the bluetooth implanted on this guy’s head will get the hint….

  3. shutterboo April 14, 2010 at 12:36 pm #

    Ha! I love this. I’ve been noting things about our public restroom (we don’t have one in our office, so we share one with the floor of the building). Unfortunately, since there’s only 1 other office on the floor, our restroom has turned into the “quiet place” where people stop to make only one kind of deposit. Needless to say, it blows.

  4. MB April 15, 2010 at 1:34 pm #

    We had a paralegal in my office that decided she was Picaso and would finger paint with her feces all over the stall walls, floor, toilet, etc. When I walked in and saw the disgusting, revolting, hurl inducing mess I freaked out. The Dick lawyer was trying to calm me down because they had some big clients in the conference room and he said “It’s no big deal. It’s nothing compared to what you see in prison.” I replied “we’re not in prison. We’re in a business office in a major city. Do you want your clients to go in and see that.” It was the craziest thing I ever saw. I actually took pictures of it because the manager wouldn’t go in the ladies room and see it for himself. UGGHH! I’m getting sick just thinking about it. I’m so glad I’m out of there 😉

    • shutterboo April 15, 2010 at 2:46 pm #

      hahahahahaha! We call that cave painting. And I’ve only seen a 2 year old with her diaper do that. You must have had a crazy.

      • MB April 15, 2010 at 5:54 pm #

        HAHAHAHA…cave painting…I’ve never heard that expression. Oh yeah, she was some kind of crazy alright. I heard she did the same thing at her next job too. Ewwwww…I’m grossed out just thinking about it again.

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