Gosh, That Number Seems Familiar….

29 Apr

Apparently, I’m meant to be mean and I can’t help it and I’m probably going to hell.  Best Friend and I joke that we will have our own bench in hell one day engraved with our names.  

I try to be so patient with Useless Coworker, but sometimes her mere inability to think for herself makes me half-crazed with annoyance.  The thoughts of strangling her seep into my mind at least once a week and then I feel guilty and that whole “hell” thing comes up again.  Since I seem doomed to repeat this cycle, I’ll just get it off my chest.   Earlier this week, Useless Coworker sends me an email that reads “Do you recognize the phone number ###-###-####, Bad Boss #3 (who she WORKS FOR) has missed several calls from that number and so have I.”   Ok…let’s stop and scratch our heads a minute and do a little math, shall we?   Her boss is out of town…both of their lines have received several calls from this same mysterious number…and I have taken the time to create and print an office phone directory for everyone to post by their phone.   IT’S YOUR GD BOSSES’ CELL PHONE, YOU NIMROD!!”   Aaaaggghhhh!   Her fricking boss is trying to call her to get his own messages!!!  She’s been here three years…his cell number has not changed…is it just ME?   I pictured myself pulling a Dexter on her ass.  Dear God, I could hardly believe it!   Between the two of them, I don’t think the common sense part of their brains add up to a small pea.   Her boss never can remember how to check his own voice mail, so he’ll either call his own line 26 times a day and then proceeds to invariably hit the wrong code or he calls her (or me) to have her check his voice mail.   I’m actually so irritated writing this post that I’m getting all tense regarding the fact they even hired her.   NO law firm experience, cries at the drop of a hat and the brain of 1/2 a pea!   It’s not like she even has big boobs or anything, which is the only reason I’ve seem some pig lawyers hire terrible staff  – just due to their knockers.

Dear GOD, please grant me patience.   I’m trying.   Most days I feel I’m the only one with enough common sense to step out of oncoming traffic….however, they are tempting me to go downstairs and throw myself into an oncoming bus.

Tomorrow – There’s a Dead Body in My Parking Garage

13 Responses to “Gosh, That Number Seems Familiar….”

  1. office1 April 29, 2010 at 9:07 am #

    OK..that’s really unbelievable. Although I did have a co-worker come in and insist that her computer had crashed. She couldn’t get it to do anything (hint hint..including turn on). I looked around for 10 seconds and found the power cord disconnected from the back of the computer.

    To her credit, she was a little sheepish when I plugged her computer in.

  2. Alice April 29, 2010 at 9:15 am #

    This will keep me entertained for the rest of the day! Ha Ha! I certainly hope tomorrow’s post (of which the title sounds terribly intriguing) has nothing to do with this one. 🙂

  3. grummelmaedchen April 29, 2010 at 11:33 am #

    Another very entertaining post!, and, ha… I know how you feel. If I had exactly such a karma bill or anything, I bet I’d be reborn as me in a similar setting with no way out (say, becoming a hermit) — simply to make me live through the same crap all over again, as punishment. Or I’d just be thrown into the deepest circle of hell and roasted for eternity. Oh, well…

  4. Cori April 29, 2010 at 12:38 pm #

    This should make you laugh- and it is only fair since you make me laugh every day with your blog!

    Sounds like she is:

    A couple of eggs shy of a dozen.
    A couple of gallons short of a full tank.
    A few ants short of a picnic.
    A few clowns short of a circus.
    A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
    A fortune cookie short of a Chinese dinner.
    A pepperoni short of a pizza.
    A few sandwiches short of a picnic.
    About as bright as a burnt-out 20 watt light bulb.
    An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
    As much use as a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest.
    Doesn’t have both oars in the water.
    Doesn’t have all his cornflakes in one box.
    Dumber than a bag of rocks.
    Elevator doesn’t quite make the top floor.
    Fell out of the family tree.
    Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching.
    Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.
    If stupid were a talent, she would be considered gifted.
    Like a pair of children’s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp.
    On/off switch is stuck in the off position.
    One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
    Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
    Sharp as a bowling ball.
    She is so dumb, she couldn’t tell which way an elevator was going if she had two guesses.
    Takes her 1-1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
    Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby.

    And my favorite:
    You can’t call her an idiot, you’ll insult all the idiots in the world.

  5. Shep April 29, 2010 at 12:46 pm #

    Hey, I’ve looked it up (in the Bible and history) and there’s really no burning hell so you’re safe!!!

    Love your blog. Read it every day…thanks for always lifting my spirits. Your coworker is a twit!

  6. alchiketi April 29, 2010 at 1:07 pm #

    i knew i had my place secured in hell. i hope my bench is screwed next to yours.

  7. faithlooksup April 29, 2010 at 1:09 pm #

    Hi, Liiving Dilbert. Your blog has been awe-inspiring. Sorry you have to face such ordeals–I’m sure it’s bound to get better. FYI-I’ve named you to receive the “Prolific Blogger Award.” Your posts are intriguing, despite the working day drama. You’re not alone. : )

  8. cooper April 29, 2010 at 3:15 pm #

    I have an entire suite of rooms waiting for me in hell so bring all your (smart) friends and we’ll have a party…

    is it me or are my expectations too high in expecting any cube-dweller spending more than 10 years in any office should know how to:

    select more than one cell in Excel
    turn on paragraph marks in Word
    insert a page break in…well everything

    These are the things that stump management minds in my little slice of heaven…

    • Alice April 29, 2010 at 4:05 pm #

      Ha ha – God forbid they need to “turn off track changes” 🙂

  9. Jeff308M1 April 29, 2010 at 8:59 pm #

    Has the moron boss ever asked why Miss Clueless never answers the phone?

  10. Chasha April 29, 2010 at 11:25 pm #

    I think what you’ve stumbled on is the formula for perpetual motion with dipwads. She is too stupid to realize she needs to answer the phone, and he’s to stupid to realize he can’t get his messages because he hired a stupid person. You should start your own poll about which one cracks first.

  11. MB April 30, 2010 at 8:36 am #

    I worked with a girl who supposedly had experience in real estate and after working a few months she asked me “what’s a multi-dwelling?” I could barely answer her I was laughing so hard. I thought she was joking but she was serious. Oh boy …

    Until I started working in a law firm I never realized how much job security a good set of knockers could give some girls. Anytime they think they’re in trouble they just wear a low cut shirt or undo another button. One Bad Boss with a boob fetish even offered to give his secretary his car if she showed him her boobs. She was a fool not to take him up on that offer – he had a Mercedes. 😉

    HAPPY FRIDAY. Only 8 hours and 24 minutes to go.


  1. Useless Coworker Has Amnesia!! « Living Dilbert - July 7, 2010

    […] – remember when she kept asking me what a certain phone number was on her Caller ID and it was HER EFFING BOSS CALLING HER?   Case in point…https://livingdilbert.wordpress.com/2010/04/29/gosh-that-number-looks-familiar/ […]

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