Thank Goodness Mondays Only Come Once a Week

10 May

Can you imagine if we had to dread more than one Monday a week?   I wonder how it would change our perspective?  Would we feel an equal sense of dread prior to both?  Or would Monday #1 always be worse than Monday #2?   Perhaps this is my inner psyche beginning to come up with creative ways to dread the one Monday a little less.  

Actually, this Monday I’m feeling almost giddy.  Bad Boss has been nicer lately, we have no business and he is going to be out again this week for three and a half whole days!   Useless Coworker is on vacation for two weeks since Bad Boss doesn’t seem to blink an eye when she takes any fricking time off…so, I’ll make the best of it and secretly plan my escape!   What are some distinctions that make this Monday different from all the other soul-sucking Mondays?

1) Bad Boss is only working 1.5 days this week.   When he is out of the office, I feel a great sense of relief as if someone has removed a very painful thorn from my ass.

2) Useless Coworker won’t be there to ask me how my weekend was.   I’m mad enough that it is Monday already and I sure as shit do not want to engage in mind-numbing conversation about how our weekends were or how many times she worked out (makes me want a doughnut just hearing about it).

3) I’m less likely to have notes or emergency beacons flashing red at my desk when I arrive due to #1 and #2 above.  Nothing makes me grumpier than when I get to work and there is some half-crazily scrawled note in my chair that says, “My computer won’t turn on.  Please see me ASAP.”  or “The electric stapler won’t staple.  Please fix it ASAP.”  Just the letters “ASAP” make me very surly.

4) Bad Boss #2 and #3 may be there, but I’ve realized they don’t particularly like Monday’s either so hopefully they’ll just want to engage each other in conversation about fishing or how awful Obama is or maybe even discuss how our country is going to hell because of all the liberals.

5) I know that once I manage to rewrap my head around the fact no one seems to give a crap about us swirling slowly down the toilet, then I actually feel pretty calm.  

When you are swirling down the crapper and surrounded by chest-pounding, poo-throwing buffoons, you have to appreciate the little things.  

Tomorrow – Why My Life is Like The Night of the Living Dead

12 Responses to “Thank Goodness Mondays Only Come Once a Week”

  1. Amy May 10, 2010 at 9:05 am #

    Just pretend ASAP stands for “after some apple pie”. It could take a while to find an apple pie to enjoy, so it at least buys you some time.

    • livingdilbert May 11, 2010 at 2:19 pm #

      This is my favorite reply and I have incorporated it in my daily life…well, I will after May 20th (end of ruthless weight loss contest)! “After some apple pie…” I swear I’m still laughing. Thank you!!!!

      • Amy May 11, 2010 at 2:52 pm #

        You’re very welcome! Hey, depending on how far you have to run to find an apple pie, you might actually lose more weight!

  2. alchiketi May 10, 2010 at 9:12 am #

    You should post a sign up on your imaginary office door “i’m get to your ASAP job after i get done with the previous ASAP job, asswipe”

    on my bad monday front, i come to work early today (only cause i was trying to leave the house the same time as my girl, who has a 45 min ride and needs to be at work by 8:30. i have a 5 min ride and no one cares when i come in) thinking I’ll do 3 10 hour days (we’re on 20% furlough. did i already say that!!) so that i don’t have to see these MF****s for 4 out of 7 days in a week. I set the f****king alarm off and have to call the Boss lady! i hate mondays!

  3. perpetuallypeeved May 10, 2010 at 10:34 am #

    I feel itchy just thinking about more than one Monday. And, thanks for reminding me. I’m adding the term ASAP and the people that use it to my list of peeves.

  4. cooper May 10, 2010 at 4:20 pm #

    bad bosses and mondays…perfect together

    • livingdilbert May 11, 2010 at 2:18 pm #

      Throw is a big thunderstorm right during the morning commute and it’d be the perfect trinity!

  5. shoutabyss May 10, 2010 at 4:27 pm #

    A beautiful description of Monday! One minor correction. The correct verb for poo is “fling.” 🙂

    For me Monday actually ranks higher than Friday. The reason why is that Friday is closer to the next Monday, therefore I don’t think too highly of Friday. 🙂

    The joy of being at the bottom of the barrel is the knowledge things can’t get much work. I seek to remain there almost exclusively. The ability to not care is truly fantastic.

    Enjoy the week!

    • livingdilbert May 11, 2010 at 2:15 pm #

      I sure LIKE the way you think! I’m going to work on the “bottom of the barrel” thing. Love me some Shouts.

  6. IntrigueMe May 11, 2010 at 3:03 pm #

    “…maybe even discuss how our country is going to hell because of all the liberals.”

    Now that is MY favorite line of the day!

    I have a poster in my office that says “I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.” The comic gets the point across gently!

  7. thoughtsappear May 18, 2010 at 11:17 am #

    Mondays…ugh…I’ve been saying “PreTuesday.” It makes it slightly more tolerable.


  1. Howl With the Wolves…So They Don’t Eat You « Thoughts Appear - September 11, 2012

    […] read on Living Dilbert’s blog (from Fix It or Deal) awhile ago that “ASAP” actually means “After Some Apple […]

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