Why My Life IS The Night of the Living Dead

11 May

Bad Bosses want to eat my brains.  There is no other explanation as to why it feels my brain has been sucked out of my ears by the time I leave work each day.   I’ll be damned, I’ve figured it out.  The Bad Bosses are zombies.  I often attribute their figurative smell to rotting flesh, so it’s not a far stretch of the imagination.

Bad Bosses often resemble mindless zombies in both action and in thought.  They shuffle around the office only getting excited when they spot a new brain for the sucking.   Main Bad Boss often mumbles incoherently at me when he is trying to tell me to do something and I sure as hell want to run screaming.  When any one of the aptly named brain-sucking, flesh-eating zombies head towards my desk,  I can hear my inner fears screaming, “They are coming to get you, Living Dilbert!”  RUN!

If only someone could save me.  I’m afraid there is no Knight in Shining Armor here though.  Hardly.   I have no barn in which to run and hide myself.   My God, I’ve just realized I’m just like one of those heroines in the bad horror flicks. You know the one.  The one that doesn’t see she is headed for disaster and it is clearer than day to everyone else.   The one that wanders out in the dark night with a full moon knowing there are werewolves everywhere wanting to tear off her face.  Oh my.  I don’t want to be that type of heroine in the movies.  After getting a large portion of my butt chewed off and greedily swallowed today, I want to be like Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween.  Now THAT girl fought back and I loved her for it.

Tomorrow – Don’t THINK I Won’t Run Over You…

10 Responses to “Why My Life IS The Night of the Living Dead”

  1. Collectivegood May 11, 2010 at 9:10 am #

    Scary! I do know that feeling though when someone is approaching your desk and you want to scream cause you know they’re coming to suck all of your energy and just leave you for dead!

    You crack me up-keep the stories coming so we don’t feel so all alone.

  2. alchiketi May 11, 2010 at 9:43 am #

    words of advice to you my dear LD

    garlic, garlique, garlands of garlic. if that doesn’t work, RUN!

  3. office1 May 11, 2010 at 10:32 am #

    Think more like Linda Hamilton in Terminator. Now THAT girl really knew how to fight back!

    • livingdilbert May 11, 2010 at 12:32 pm #

      GOOD POINT, office 1. She had the most amazing arms, didn’t she??

  4. perpetuallypeeved May 11, 2010 at 10:35 am #

    Yes! Jamie Lee rocked – my favorite movie of all time (aside from Dirty Dancing and Grease – don’t judge!) Love the new layout. Trying to find ways to look busy?

  5. Cori May 11, 2010 at 10:36 am #

    I like the garlic idea. I LOVE the new layout!

  6. ladyxmysterious May 11, 2010 at 5:17 pm #

    It could be worse…you could be me and be forced to stare at fat chicks all day X_X

  7. slightlyignorant May 11, 2010 at 5:22 pm #

    Hey there :).

    I have to say, Bad Bosses are truly the worst. It’s not just their brain-eating capabilities – it’s the fact that as brainless as they may be, we still fear them.

    You who you should be? Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. That show started with a blonde heroine that was like that girl in the old horror flicks – but the creator of the show, Joss Whedon, wanted that poor blonde that gets killed in those films to fight back and WIN. I say – embrace your inner Buffiness!

  8. cooper May 11, 2010 at 10:37 pm #

    I don’t know…both Jamie Lee and the hero of Night of the Living Dead eventually were offed. I was personally offended that the PITA guy in the basement was named Cooper. I think I’d rather be the kid in Gremlins who triumphs in the end and learns a valuable lesson….’don’t eff around with hot babes like Pheobe Cates while your pets roam free through the local YMCA’…

    that was the point of all that wasn’t it????

  9. shoutabyss May 12, 2010 at 9:48 am #

    I really like the garlic idea although isn’t that supposed to be for vampires and not zombies? 🙂 Whatever. Either way it’ll be your little private protest of fun and keep Bad Boss guessing. 🙂

    Regarding the barn: Good thing you don’t have one. Running to one of those never quite seems to work out that well for the heroine.

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