Don’t THINK I Won’t Run You Over…

12 May

because I sure as hell will.  Not only that, I’ll do it without blinking and possibly with a smile on my face.   Face it, we are all fairly grumpy while driving ourselves to work in the mornings.   I’ll admit it, I’m a pretty aggressive driver and I cuss almost everyone out.   Often, I’m ashamed….but it seems to be ingrained in my being to behave this way.  Honestly, I’m shocked this is my first blog about traffic and other drivers.   I’ve held out.

Why do so many folks have their heads up their bums in the mornings?   Is it because they hate their jobs too?  Are they independently wealthy and just drive around to cause traffic and annoy poor working people?  Are they so busy texting and talking on the phone that they just don’t give a rat’s ass?   I’d say it’s the last one.  I can tell from 100 yards behind a car if they are texting or talking on the phone.   It is unmistakable!   Weaving, going slowly in the left lane, not going forward on green lights.  We’ve all seen it.   Before I know it, it’s as if a demon has taken over my body and I’m spitting and cussing with vehemence.

One of the strongest catalysts for a demon-infused hissy fit?   Those fine souls that decide to saunter at a snail’s pace across the road when I’m heading towards them.   This can occur either in a crosswalk when it says “DON’T WALK” (of which I always add “motherfu**r” in my mind) or if the Nobel Laureate carelessly decides to cross anywhere that is inconvenient for the poor hack like me trying to get to work.   It happened earlier this week and the immediate thought in my mind was the very title of this post, “Don’t even think I won’t run your ass over, because I sure as hell will!”  Let’s see….I’m in a 2,000 lb. vehicle and you are jaywalking…who’s going to win?   I’m terrible, aren’t I?

Where does all this anger come from??  Two words – Bad Boss.    I can blame him for a lot!   Often, it is deserved.  Sometimes, it is only because I want to avoid personal responsibility.

Tomorrow – Not Sure Who You Think I Am, But….

15 Responses to “Don’t THINK I Won’t Run You Over…”

  1. shutterboo May 12, 2010 at 8:32 am #

    You know, I usually don’t see a pedestrian until I get downtown. And most follow the crosswalk signals. But there’s always those rogue few that have to jaywalk. Which is particularly dangerous because of the one-way street heading west. So while the driver is only looking east (or right) for oncoming traffic, the jaywalker gets upset that he/she isn’t seen trying to walk in front of car on the left. I’m sure one day, someone will be knocked down. I just hope I’m not there for it.

  2. office1 May 12, 2010 at 8:41 am #

    Oh LD…I feel ya. That’s all I can say…

  3. alchiketi May 12, 2010 at 8:51 am #

    “Are they independently wealthy and just drive around to cause traffic and annoy poor working people?” This had never occured to me! It gives me more lattitude to be an aggresive driver.

    once again, you have produced a masterpiece. are they knocking down your door with book deals yet?

  4. Amy May 12, 2010 at 8:54 am #

    I don’t pretend my emergency brake handle is a ray gun/rocket launcher for nothing. It helps. Sometimes.
    Screw the Nobel Laureate – run the ass-hat down!

  5. perpetuallypeeved May 12, 2010 at 9:09 am #

    Having actually hit a pedestrian with my car (long story), I must say that the satisfaction is not worth the $1000 attorney bill or the two days in court. However, I do still fantasize!

  6. izziedarling May 12, 2010 at 9:27 am #

    LD – great post, great new look, love it! The ones that get me all worked up are the drivers that can barely see over the dashboard, drive one mph, and are older than God.

  7. shoutabyss May 12, 2010 at 9:59 am #

    I’m starting to get scared because we seem to think so alike. 🙂

    Driving is a topic I ponder a lot. The psychology of being in a car unleashes a lot of unsavory behavior in us. We’ll do things from the safety of our shiny metal boxes that we’d never do to each other if we were face to face.

    Yes, most of us driving in the morning are probably going to work, and I’m going to guess that most of us would rather be doing anything else that that, like maybe a root canal. But some super freaks may actually enjoy going to work.

    I have a lot of resentment for my boss because of the whole “I have to somehow transport myself to work” thing. I righteously blame him for all of that.

    Must of us also don’t like waking up just to go to work. And most of the other drivers don’t know how to concentrate on their driving. Yes, cell phones are the biggest culprit these days. I also blame daydreaming, makeup, eating breakfast, reading the paper (yes I’ve seen this!) and more. The act of driving is far too routine for most idiots and thus didn’t get the single-minded focus and attention it deserves.

    Every single time I get in my car and turn over the engine I take a moment and imagine a grisly car crash. (I’ve seen many during my travels.) This simple little technique reminds me to remain focused on the act of driving and idiot dodging. (They are really the same activity.) And no, I’m not kidding. Driving should be an act of total awareness. Most people drive around with their head in the clouds.

    By the way, muy Bueno on the theme change. I like this one a lot.

  8. Cori May 12, 2010 at 10:30 am #

    Love it!

    I do not mind jaywalkers so much, but they MUST show manners. Just yesterday this woman was standing on the side the the road with a friend and they were carrying HUGE displays and bags- really loaded down. I made a point to stop and waved them across the road in a moment of sympathy. They did not mouth thank you, wave a hand or even look at me. WHAT?!? I honked my horn at them, they jumped, looked at me like “what the hell?” and I gave them a shit eating grin while waving. They looked sheepish and mouthed thank you.

    Next time they will get run over.

  9. slightlyignorant May 12, 2010 at 2:40 pm #

    I so so so so so so sooooo know what you’re talking about! And no, you’re totally NOT terrible for those thoughts. Or if you are, then I am too. I swear, I’m often so bloody flummoxed by the way some idiots drive that I forget to curse loudly and coherently and instead just have this confused look on my face and say “Wait, WHAT?”
    When I’m in the car with my boyfriend and we rant about this, we talk no end about how we should just run these stupid people over… Then they’d be out of the gene pool and unable to procreate more idiots…

    Okay, I sound seriously bitter. Don’t hate me please?

    • livingdilbert May 12, 2010 at 5:07 pm #

      I think you sound brilliant and you are not bitter. You are a realist! “Bloody flummoxed” is my new favorite expression as of now! I’ll give you full credit though.

  10. unabridgedgirl May 12, 2010 at 4:53 pm #

    Last Nov. my car was totalled by someone that was texting. VERY. ANNOYING. I don’t like driving. I don’t know that I am a great driving, but some people are so reckless.

    • livingdilbert May 12, 2010 at 5:05 pm #

      I hope YOU were ok? That’s terrible!!! Sadly, there are a lot of very reckless people on the roads. I know I said I was aggressive, but maybe defensive was a better word!

  11. cooper May 13, 2010 at 12:30 am #

    I’ve never understood the rush to get TO work. I can see the need to blast out of cube farm hell in the afternoon…but why the big push to get to Satan’s Lair in the first place???? Pull off…stop and have a donut…or a bloody mary if more appropriate

    • livingdilbert May 13, 2010 at 10:34 am #

      VERY good point, Cooper! I just have a very controlling boss who gives me looks when I am late or finds ways to punish me. I am liking the Bloody Mary angle very much…

  12. harlsmits September 3, 2010 at 1:59 pm #

    Once I was making a left turn onto a college campus where I worked and I had a green arrow. But two skinny blond college girls (ooo I hate them!) who were out doing their morning jog went into the crosswalk anyway even though I had the right of way and the crosswalk signal was red. I turned anyway as if I was going to run them over (which I wouldn’t, too many witnesses) and I scared the crap out of them. One of the girls yanked the other girl out of the way. Then I waited for them to get out of my way while glaring at them. I hope they learned to obey signals in the future.

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