Don’t Bite the Hand That Feeds You

17 May

Really, I should have known better.  Living Dilbert babysat the other night and our friends warned us about their cat, Kitty.  They said, “Kitty is funny, you have to be careful!”  I’d heard plenty of stories about this innocent looking Kitty. Well, in my other life I think I am somewhat of a cat whisperer, so their little warnings did not phase me in the least.  Sure enough, later that evening Kitty raced into the house and pounced right into my lap.  My two fellow babysitters stared in horror as I stayed perfectly calm and whispered sweet cooing sounds into Kitty’s ears.  She settled down on my lap and I petted her for a long time.  She made a dozen biscuits and seemed quite happy.  I carefully watched her body language and it was only telling me how happy and content Kitty was, along with her constant purring.  I thought to myself, “How can so many people be afraid of sweet Kitty?  She’s not so scary, she’s just misunderstood.”   Suddenly, before I could even finish my thoughts, Kitty turned around and bit the living HELL out of my hand.  I’ve done a fair amount of animal rescue and shelter volunteering and I’d never been bitten like that.  It took me completely by surprise!   After I attempted to stop the bleeding and clean the wounds and get over my shock…I started thinking that this scenario seemed oddly familiar. 

It is the same situation with Bad Boss. Bad Boss seemed so pleasant and harmless before he got me to leave Old Law Firm.  I heard that he could have a mean bite, but I thought I was immune.  He was so sweet just like Kitty in the beginning and what happened?   He bit the living hell out of me in the long run.  I forgave Kitty not long after she bit me, but Bad Boss should have known better.  He’s on my shit list for life.

Tomorrow – Living Dilbert’s Commencement Address


16 Responses to “Don’t Bite the Hand That Feeds You”

  1. alchiketi May 17, 2010 at 8:52 am #

    bad kitty. bad kitty! thank you once again for a good chuckle on a monday morning.

  2. bookjunkie May 17, 2010 at 9:05 am #

    I now realize why you are so mad at the bad boss. He is not only awful. He betrayed you! He didn’t show you his awful side till he had you! I have been there and it brings out such a vindictive streak in a normally docile me. I was so mad at the individual in question I never want to see her again. It’s terrible when the person is a known entity. Oh dear….I truly feel awful for you. Anyway keep blogging….you have loyal followers who are addicted to your tale and are waiting for your day to come 🙂

  3. Amy May 17, 2010 at 9:25 am #

    My cat is like Kitty. He LOVES you right up until the millisecond where he wants to kill you and play with your guts like yarn.
    You should really get a rabies shot, too. Not because of Kitty, but for the Bad Boss bite. You might need a tetanus booster, too. You never know where he’s been.

    • perpetuallypeeved May 17, 2010 at 9:51 am #

      I think you need to bring a water gun into work. What??? It works on my cats.

  4. Office1 May 17, 2010 at 10:28 am #

    Perhaps he’s rabid. That would explain the change in demeanor.

  5. cooper May 17, 2010 at 10:42 am #

    and Bad Boss didn’t even curl up on your lap and purr…

    i hope….

    it’s ok to bite the hand that feeds inedible morsels…

  6. JoeyTheDog May 17, 2010 at 11:51 am #

    Too bad Bad Boss isn’t half as smart as YOUR cats!


  7. Joe McBee May 17, 2010 at 1:02 pm #

    You stopped by my blog and commented so I thought I’d stop by yours to return the favor. So glad I did! This looks like so much fun and I can’t wait to read more. Although I admit it makes me a twinge sad to find so much mirth in your misery, I don’t feel guilty enough to stop laughing.

    Besides I can totally, TOTALLY relate.

  8. digicollage May 17, 2010 at 1:31 pm #

    Ok, totally not a funny comment, but be sure to get that checked out! DH had a crazy kitty attack (that cat sounds a lot like Bad Boss too actually…) and it got infected from the bacteria in the kitty’s teeth. 😦

    Otherwise, I totally think you should call in a sick week due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder!

  9. shoutabyss May 17, 2010 at 3:23 pm #

    Maybe the problem was the biscuit making, whatever that means! Seriously, what does that mean?

    I’m also a cat whisperer. In fact, the first character I ever played in World of Warcraft was a human male priest named Catwhisperer. I’m not kidding. 🙂 Please don’t tell anyone I ever played that game, though. That must have been like 20 or 30 years ago. I was so young back then.

    All the cats I’ve ever known only did playful bites. They somehow know how to bite just enough to get the point across without breaking the skin. I’ve never seen a cat do what you described. It must be a personality quirk.

    So Bad Boss bit you? Not surprising. But does that flip the whole bite/feed scenario on its head? Isn’t he the one that feeds you? 🙂

    “Shit list for life” kind of goes without saying, eh? Never forgive, never forget! 🙂

  10. thoughtsappear May 17, 2010 at 5:16 pm #

    Hey…my hand matches yours! Do you have scratches up your arm, too? I like to say my cat is “moody.”

  11. Cori May 17, 2010 at 5:29 pm #

    I LOVE the biscuit making reference, knead away little kitty! My friend has a cat who is like that. All purrs and cooing until she attacks from no where. I hope your hand heals quickly!

    Btw, I love today’s mood indicator picture- perfect! 😉

  12. breaaire May 17, 2010 at 5:41 pm #

    Once upon a time, a friend of mine had a cat named “Baby”. It was anything but… This cat would regularly terrorize anyone it could, attacking from hiding was a favorite, as well as the “love-me-hate-you” pet-purr-kill moments. This cat would attack anyone. Except me.

    Anytime I caught that cat looking at me, I’d do the menacing Mrrrrooooow and hiss… Baby didn’t mess with me. Some animals just have issues. *shrug*

  13. shoutabyss May 17, 2010 at 5:47 pm #

    Thanks to Cori I get the biscuit making reference now. Dough!

  14. slightlyignorant May 17, 2010 at 5:57 pm #

    I still say that Kitty is misunderstood [I’m a cat-lover, what can I do…] but I don’t think that Big Bad Boss is. He just sounds like a real asshole. Which I’m sure he is.

    But seriously, Bad Boss has got to get some sort of bad karma for all this bad biting of his!

  15. harlsmits September 3, 2010 at 2:04 pm #

    Don’t you know that cats just wait for you to relax and let down your guard before they strike? Our last cat Manson (yes his real name) was like that. You’d pet him for about 4 second and then he’d turn around and bite you. And he’d stalk our guests. Once my friend who he tolerated well was sitting on the couch. He hopped up and sat down next to her. Then he bit her arm and hopped away.

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