How to Stretch Your Newly Reduced Salary

19 May

You all know what happened last week.  You know…I got a “raise” and now I make less money.  Anyway, I’ve been thinking, “How can I find some new and inventive ways to stretch my dollars on Bad Boss’ dime?”   Here are a few ideas that I am implementing immediately:

1 – Refilling my liquid hand soaps with the nice-smelling stuff from my work bathroom.  For some reason, they actually seem to use the good stuff with nice scent and moisturizer here…not the scary pink stuff.

2 – Steal as many Splenda packets as possible from my workplace without being caught.

3 – Troll company websites that offer “free samples” while at work.   Might as well get some free stuff sent to my home.

4 – Use work postage stamps for all your personal bills and letter-writing.  This is easily done here because they won’t fork out the money for a postage meter or for us to join any type of modern anything (like…but, hey…since I’m the Office Administrator…I keep all the stamps.

5 – Go to the bathroom as many times as you muster while still at work in order to lessen your water bill at home.

6 – Free sodas.  We have all kinds here since Bad Bosses like to have whatever they want just a few feet away, no matter the cost.

7 – Watch Hulu shows while at work…then cancel your cable at home.

8 – Wait for a sale at your local discount grocery and then buy 20 or so Banquet meals for under a $1.00 each and fill up your work freezer…because you can’t afford to go out to lunch anymore.  Try to find a reason to work through lunch, even though Bad Bosses have no business and then charge for overtime.

9 – Stop drinking coffee at home and only drink it at work.   Try not to feel sorry for yourself that you can no longer have coffee on the weekends.  I guess it’ll give you one small reason to look forward to Mondays.

10 – You could consider trying to stage a bad fall at work – try the kitchen, it is more believable.   Next stop – ER and then a lawsuit.  You need to create just enough blood to be believable.  Try not to hit your head too hard on the way down and then die….that won’t do you any good.  

That’s all for today, but stay tuned for more money-saving ideas.

Tomorrow – You May Think I Don’t Notice, But….

21 Responses to “How to Stretch Your Newly Reduced Salary”

  1. Sank May 19, 2010 at 8:34 am #

    I always thought that getting clipped by the bosses car would be a good way to enjoy some time off. Difficult to execute however.

  2. thoughtsappear May 19, 2010 at 8:43 am #

    For some reason, I love #5. Sorry about your salary =(

  3. Office1 May 19, 2010 at 8:47 am #

    Another money saving ideas…steal all the cleaning products you need from work

    And the toilet paper, paper towels,

    And anything else that’s not tied down.

    Oh…and try to recycle their sodas cans for money. Damn if we were in Michigan, you could get 5 cents per can.

  4. shutterboo May 19, 2010 at 8:52 am #

    An addendum to #3: also check giveaway websites daily in hopes of winning gift cards or Christmas presents for family.
    Blogher has monthly giveaways; usually $100 Visa gift card. And this site posts other sites daily:
    Good Luck!

  5. izziedarling May 19, 2010 at 8:52 am #

    Hey LD – of course, I love this. So with you on 2,3,4,6,and 9. Don’t forget to smuggle pens, paper, toilet paper, small furniture – anything that will fit in large purse. You make my day!;)

  6. Amy May 19, 2010 at 8:59 am #

    “Try not to hit your head too hard on the way down and then die….that won’t do you any good.”
    Ha! Too funny!
    And is that a corn-dog in that Banquet meal? I’ve seen everything, now.

  7. alchiketi May 19, 2010 at 9:31 am #

    on no 9 – get the bad bosses hooked to instant coffee from starbucks and then take some home for weekend pleasure. If that’s not an option, ziploc the office coffee and take ’em home! everything stays fresh in ziploc.

    also, you can play the calling radio stations to win prizes game all day long.

    you are too funny LD!

  8. digicollage May 19, 2010 at 9:38 am #

    ROFL!! Yup, I was going to suggest toilet paper, etc. Also, make long distance calls. 🙂

    • livingdilbert May 19, 2010 at 11:40 pm #

      You know, toilet paper is a good idea! I buy the cheaper stuff for home…so, it’d be a step up! Thanks for reading, Mama Bear!

  9. shoutabyss May 19, 2010 at 9:52 am #

    Great list. Everyone should print it and post it at their workstations. 🙂

    Before my Bad Boss I used to consider myself highly moral and ethical. Then “justification” crept into my life. It happens little by little. A Splenda here, a postage stamp there. Before you know it it’s a full-blown sporting activity!

    Be wary of the dark side. 🙂

    Number #5 and #7 are the tactics I employ the most. By wasting time at work I’m essentially making more per hour. I call it a “self-induced pay rate adjustment.”

  10. Pop May 19, 2010 at 10:18 am #

    Another great post, LD!

    “not the scary pink stuff.”

    It’s even worse for me – we have creamy white soap that looks like semen.

  11. Belle May 19, 2010 at 11:11 am #

    LD, don’t let the b*st*rds drag you down to their level! I agree with Shoutabyss – beware of the dark side.

  12. bookjunkie May 19, 2010 at 11:31 am #

    Genious ideas LD! I especially like no.9…caffeine is always a motivator.

  13. T May 19, 2010 at 11:51 am #

    Just cancelled my cable. Thanks for the tip!

  14. Kimi May 19, 2010 at 1:31 pm #

    I must confess, I too “take” some of the Splenda packets back home. What can I say I’ve got “sweet fingers.” : )

  15. The Idiot Speaketh May 19, 2010 at 5:17 pm #

    Cute! Now, to show you what an idiot I am, I would take that last idea, the part about getting hurt/lawsuit etc. and then would take it to the extreme where I would actually make sure that I got killed….with instructions for my grieving widow and childen to take the Boss for everything he has……only to be up in Heaven…looking down at my family and their newfound wealth and happiness….thinking…..”I think my plan had a fatal flaw somewhere…..” But like I said, I am an idiot.

  16. Leslie May 19, 2010 at 6:10 pm #

    This is fun!!!

    My ideas:

    Books (for trade in value – law books should get a lot)
    Dish soap/dishwasher tabs
    All things paper (toilet, Kleenex, reams to print off resumes at home, etc)
    Used toner and ink cartridges (you can get money or credit for bringing them back to Office Depot)
    Office supplies you can take back for cash (or store credit at Wal-mart, for example)
    Electricity (charge your cell phone, iPod, etc. at work)
    Anything you can sell on Craigslist 🙂

  17. Leslie May 19, 2010 at 7:20 pm #

    Okay, now that I’ve had dinner I realize how corrupt my previous comment was encouraging you to be. I apologize. I would never want you to stoop to acutal criminal behaviour (re: selling law books!!!)

    What was I thinking?

    Sorry you got a reverse raise…happiness is the best revenge, so I hope you find happiness somewhere in your workday. Your blog is making a lot of people happy!

    • livingdilbert May 19, 2010 at 11:39 pm #

      I know your comment was not meant in a bad way! I appreciate you writing…and I think you were very funny! Your ideas were not bad…. ok, ok I won’t sell any big things!

  18. katie o. May 19, 2010 at 10:02 pm #

    oh sweets, i’ve been doing the coffee thing for years. and the stuff in my office is nothing short of brown colored water. whatever it takes to save a dime, right? and yeah, listen to shutterboo. she’s got the goods on all the contests. oh and if it makes you feel any better, i’m going to have a tiny giveaway soon too. 😉
    chin up kid. it’s almost memorial day weekend.

  19. The Orifice May 20, 2010 at 11:46 pm #

    Ah LD. I had this happen to me today I think. Worse still, someone took my breakfast spoon. FML.

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