You May Think I Don’t Notice, But….

20 May

I do.  Bad Boss thinks he is quite the clever one, but I can outsmart him.  Yep, I’m going to do another “list” because I feel listish this week and I think it is more fun for the reader sometimes.  Ok with you?

Bad Boss, you may think I don’t notice, but…..

1) We have no business.  I know it, you know it and I still can’t believe you aren’t freaking out.   Are we a front for a Mexican drug cartel?

2) You have me order styrofoam cups for the office and then  take them home with you to use there, too.  It is your firm, but this is one more thing I will use in my column of reasons why I don’t respect you.   I don’t like styrofoam in the first place.   Oh, that’s right…you could give a rat’s ass about the future environment of our world.

3) You pay yourself a lot of money while riding on the others’ coat tails.  Well played.

4) I dislike you more and more each day.   When I’m not planning your demise, I feel a little sorry for you.  Perhaps it is a coping mechanism of mine.  Hate is a damaging emotion to carry around Monday-Friday.

5) You are fake and I know all your signs.  You pretend to be interested in people’s lives, but you give away your true feelings when you yawn while speaking and then randomly insert the person’s name during the conversation.  Classic ploy to make them think you are paying attention.  When you talk to me and use my name in a sentence, I almost have to fight my snickers.  Who ELSE are you talking to?  Do you think one of us will forget?

6) You often leave early and come in late.

7) You short-change me every chance you get and then pretend it was an innocent mistake.

8) You do not get along well with your parents and I think you may suffer from a deep resentment towards them.   There is also some underlying sibling rivalry sprinkled in there regarding your brothers.  For God’s sake man, call them more!   Your parents are older, in poor health and you are really going to miss them when they are gone.  Don’t waste time.  Be a decent son, instead of a petulant child.

9) You are NOT a team player.

10) Ok, I’ll do a nice one (just so I don’t screw up my karma for life)….you are a good-looking guy and you don’t seem to get it at all.   It is one thing you have going for you.   If you primped all the time, I’d go more nuts than I already am.   You are not outwardly a pig either…which I appreciate.

Tomorrow – Not Sure Who You Think I Am, But….(Part II)

13 Responses to “You May Think I Don’t Notice, But….”

  1. bookjunkie May 20, 2010 at 8:08 am #

    hahah I am often worried about messing about my karma too the way I bitch and moan. But LD I think you are a zillion times nicer than me. I wouldn’t have done a #10. I have no pity for the meanies at work who have wronged me. Gosh I harbour quite a grudge! But I just can’t help it.

  2. notesfromrumbleycottage May 20, 2010 at 9:27 am #

    Book Junkie,
    I harbored that same grudge. Did not get the least bit better when the security cameras went in. After I was fired, the gang in the office was told they were not real despite the bad boss showing someone how they worked.

    LD,
    At least you can put in something nice. Lord knows I prayed for my BB but it never seemed to help.

  3. shoutabyss May 20, 2010 at 9:28 am #

    You nailed it! Listish FTW!

    Why am I not surprised to hear who is keeping the styrofoam cup industry alive? Geez. Can’t Greenpeace ram your office with a boat or something? Maybe they could harpoon Bad Boss and feed him to baby seals.

    Point #5 – that is TOO true. My Bad Boss likes to sit around and pontificate about his expertness on a wide variety of topics. He has a paid and captive audience so what the hell. The amazing thing is how he seems to get off on it. If I paid someone to listen to me talk should I feel good about myself because they were listening to me? I should think not.

    Conversely, when Bad Boss is in a conversation where anyone else is talking, suddenly he looks impatient, fidgety, and like he’d rather be anywhere in the world other than listening to someone other than himself. It’s pretty freakin’ amazing to watch.

  4. The Idiot Speaketh May 20, 2010 at 11:00 am #

    Maybe you have a friend that could devise a computer worm or virus that would cause Mexican Midget Wrestling Porn to pop up on his PC screen at inappropriate times like during meetings…or while his wife or girlfriend is in the office……

  5. Bitten by Reality May 20, 2010 at 12:45 pm #

    Ahhh – the styrofoam. Well, what did we think he was going to do after you quit washing his dishes? The Monday coffee cups with curdled cream and an inch of lipstick from my BB would nearly turn my tummy. Blech.

    And do what you want – lists or otherwise! We love it.

  6. ladyxmysterious May 20, 2010 at 1:10 pm #

    This reminds me more and more about how much I hate my joke of a co-worker

  7. T May 20, 2010 at 1:20 pm #

    Hahaha! These are awesome!!!! Can you post some of them on http://www.f-theman.com? It’s a funny job venting site.

  8. breaaire May 20, 2010 at 3:17 pm #

    You always make me laugh… and think back to the BB I left behind at LastJob. When I went for my interview there, I had to sit through a 3 1/2 hour interview, during which she

    1. Asked what religion I was…
    2. Commented on current employees personal lives
    3. Inquired whether or not I drank…

    It was quite an afternoon…I’m just glad she was rarely in the office, as she had another business to run, and left most of the day-to-day to the Manager, who was a GoodBoss.

    Anywho… thanks for the laugh today, and sorry to read the tweet about the Wall o’Smell… Those are the worst…

  9. perpetuallypeeved May 20, 2010 at 5:27 pm #

    OMG!!! I fracking HATE it when people use my name in conversation. You SO called that one. Hang in there LD! It’s almost Friday.

  10. katie o. May 20, 2010 at 6:26 pm #

    i am secretly thankful to have my bosses a little more everyday after reading your blog.

  11. The Orifice May 20, 2010 at 11:43 pm #

    Once again LD. Another fine post. I can feel your pain, as always.

  12. unabridgedgirl May 21, 2010 at 3:22 pm #

    When you talk to me and use my name in a sentence, I almost have to fight my snickers. Who ELSE are you talking to? Do you think one of us will forget?

    LMAOLMAO I TOTALLY understand this one.

    • shoutabyss May 21, 2010 at 5:33 pm #

      I used this tactic on my wife all the time. “I love you … Beatrice.” After five years of “darling” and “honey” it freaks her out every single time. 🙂

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