Not Sure Who You Think I Am, But…(Part II)

21 May

I just have too many of these to ignore…and a bunch more are floating around in my head.   I’m not sure who you think I am, but I’m NOT:

1 – Your personal GPS. Stop calling me every time you get lost in the car, especially while on personal errands for yourself.  Guess what, you tried that last week and I didn’t answer the phone.  Ha ha.  It is a further waste of my time when you’ve had me print you the directions in the first place before you even left!  I know you can read.   You have a blackberry and a car with a GPS IN IT…USE IT.

2 – Your personal car detailer. Want your car washed or detailed?  What’s that?  You want your wife’s minivan washed?   Here’s the number to the car wash place downstairs…CALL IT.

3 – Your doctor researcher. You need to get your eyes checked?   Need new glasses?   Kid needs shots?   Want to save money?   Well, guess what, numb nuts?   SO DO I.  Call them yourself.   I’m not looking up the doctor’s credentials for you to see if they “pass muster.”  You went to Harvard…look it up.  NOT MY PROBLEM.

4 – Your ego builder. Seems every time you do get a deal (which is not lately), you insist on telling me why your ways of doing things are the best.  Why you are the smartest.  How you out think everyone and how everybody else in the deal inconveniences you.  Guess what?   I DON’T CARE.

5 – Your punching bag. Not emotionally. Not any more.  I have steeled myself for your next outburst and you better WATCH IT!   I have years of pent up rage, buddy…that is just dying to be expressed!  BRING IT ON.

Whew…apparently, I had to get that out…since I’m not seeing Life-Saving Therapist again til June.   Thanks!   Hope we all get a laugh from this one!

Tomorrow – Saturday, Blissful Saturday!

14 Responses to “Not Sure Who You Think I Am, But…(Part II)”

  1. bookjunkie May 21, 2010 at 8:08 am #

    I love #5….go LD!! The picture there is great too!! 🙂

  2. perpetuallypeeved May 21, 2010 at 9:04 am #

    #1 – YES! – I remember when I worked nights at a law firm and they would all call me to have them give them directions to parties, etc.

    I’m convinced all practicing male attorneys cut their nuts off in law school and just handed them to their wives (or, maybe their female colleagues, never met a female attorney who was a wallflower).

    • The Orifice May 21, 2010 at 9:23 am #

      Car detailer? Are you kidding. I’d personally detail the car and give them a free bottle of shut the f$ck up.

      Nothing but class again LD!

  3. shoutabyss May 21, 2010 at 9:50 am #

    Once again, “true that!”

    My boss calls me on the phone and makes me Google things for him.

    He makes my manager handle his personal business like calling his cable TV provider. He likes to roll with his iPhone and “multitask” by calling us and making us do things while he’s in his car. He’s an important man, yo.

    This post has given me an idea: Let’s start a company without bosses! Who’s with me? 🙂

  4. cooper May 21, 2010 at 11:44 am #

    It’s friday and I have to memory cells left…i don’t remember if you covered these in part one and, frankly, i know the corporate IT nazis are watching me so my time grows short…

    I’m not your…therapist
    I’m not your…surrogate father/husband/boyfriend
    I’m not your…emotional scratching post
    I’m not your…midnight snack
    I’m not your…bucket of chicken
    I’m not your…gear shift
    sorry…got carried away there….

  5. Jenni Engledow May 21, 2010 at 11:47 am #

    Love the list – I’ve experienced some of that! Girl, I think you need to get your resume together and get the hell out of there. You’ve got to protect your soul 🙂

  6. Dianne Murray May 21, 2010 at 12:19 pm #

    Your blog is so well done!! I enjoyed reading through it this week and now can enjoy the dailies! You must be Hollis’ star!! Congratulations.

  7. Cymbria May 21, 2010 at 2:36 pm #

    Loving it! If only he knew what wildly witty talent was hoverering just under his nose. Not like he’d give you a raise either way lol.

    • livingdilbert May 24, 2010 at 5:01 pm #

      Thank you! I sure like to think so…but, you are so right. He’d never admit it!

  8. The Idiot Speaketh May 21, 2010 at 7:32 pm #

    Take a well deserved break this weekend, sounds like you have earned it…:)

  9. Jeff308M1 May 22, 2010 at 9:23 am #

    Applies to #1-3: LD, I recommend that you consider ridding yourself of roles that you really object to. You have to pick your battles because you do not want to make yourself obsolete (until you can secure other employment). You can rid yourself of the roles by applying the idea that you are in charge of the outcome each time BB asks you to do something. To prevent future tasks of that nature from reoccurring, ensure an outcome that is unpleasant for BB each time. For example, when he calls and asks you for directions, provide directions to somewhere he does not want to go and claim you misread the map or something similar. A great side benefit is that you can make this really fun for you. Maybe you can get him as far away as another state.

  10. MB May 22, 2010 at 2:57 pm #

    Who needs therapy when you have a blog? Big Bad Boss better watch his step because someday, when he least expects it, BAM! I’ll do whatever I can to help you cover up the evidence. 😉

    I hope you are enjoying every single minute of your weekend.

  11. Bitten by Reality May 24, 2010 at 4:31 pm #

    Take solace in knowing you are not alone. I feel bad that anyone has to endure crappy bosses (except crappy people of course). That whole #1 thing just ticks me off! My last boss, who was a bad, bad one, would call me SCREAMING (shrilly, no less) because SHE either turned the wrong direction or incorrectly typed the address into the GPS. 1. Consider “left” and “right” tattoos on appropriate hands. 2. Shut up and tell me where you are. What? You have no idea where you are? Apparently streets signs are invisible when you’re a bad boss.

    • livingdilbert May 24, 2010 at 5:02 pm #

      You made me guffaw at my desk – “Apparently streets signs are invisible when you’re a bad boss.” That was fantastic!

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