The Stupidest Thing I’ve Ever Heard

24 May

Some days I sit at my desk in pure bewilderment.  I hear and see things that seem absolutely and incrediby stupid.  The really scary component is that Bad Bosses and Useless Coworker think they are highly intelligent and superior to the majority of the human population.   It is almost like watching a television show some days, a mental “Survivor” show.   If only I could vote some of them off!

Bad Boss # 2 brought me 3 pages to type.   I looked at him with an understandably quizzical look on my face (and it was 5:00 p.m.) and he said, “Oh, I forgot my assistant was here today.  She’s so quiet.”   Are you kidding me ?  She was just gone for 2 weeks on vacation.   We have a very, very small office and you forgot your one and only dedicated assistant is here?   See how much we interact?  Our office is beyond dysfunctional.   You have 10 people at any given time, in very close proximity and none of them will speak with each other or even acknowledge the others’ existance.

As you already know, Bad Boss tried to tell me my Useless Coworker “makes more than he does.”   In his puny mind, I guess he felt justified in that thought, but how stupid can he think I am?

Bad Boss #3 asks me weekly what time the mail goes out – well, the same time every day – STILL. 

All of these men allegedly have top of the line college and legal educations.   All graduated at the top 2% of their class.  While typing this…I think I just figured it out.   They have been paid for years not to think for themselves when it comes to using any form of common sense.   They couldn’t think their way out of a soaking wet paper sack.  

I guess that’s why they pay me the big bucks…..I get to do it for them and smile while doing so.  If I can just refrain myself from shouting, “That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” at the top of my lungs.

Tomorrow – Useless Coworkers Have a Roach Fetish

12 Responses to “The Stupidest Thing I’ve Ever Heard”

  1. alchiketi May 24, 2010 at 9:19 am #

    ahh…i am familiar with the war zone ” Our office is beyond dysfunctional…and none of them will speak with each other or even acknowledge the others’ existance.”

    i’ve started living from thurs eve to sunday eve. i’m dead mon-thurs till 5pm. Hang in there LD, cause you know i’m on that other reed.

  2. bookjunkie May 24, 2010 at 11:54 am #

    i actually stopped watching Survivor, because it reminded me too much of the bad behavior in abusive office environments. I wish your bad boss will someday eat humble pie. Too much arrogance is so annoying.

  3. shoutabyss May 24, 2010 at 11:59 am #

    Now when Bad Boss #2 asks you to do anything, you can smile sweetly and say, “Oh. Did you forget to notice your personal assistant, again?”

    When asked what time the mail goes out, leap to your feet and say, “OMG! You’re right! I better go find out!” Then grab your coat and run out the door. Then walk 50′ to the nearest Starbucks and enjoy a little quiet time. Do that two or three times and I’ll bet he stops asking.

    I think Survivor is an excellent mini-view of the workplace. The whole thing is designed to induce compression to draw out the widest possible range of human behavior. What amazes me most is what an accurate depiction it really is.

    • livingdilbert May 24, 2010 at 2:14 pm #

      I LIKE your ideas…once again…hmmmmm….how to put them into action.

    • Cori May 24, 2010 at 5:07 pm #

      I love these ideas too!! Most excellent.

  4. slightlyignorant May 24, 2010 at 1:53 pm #

    Intense. I don’t know how you do it, LD, but you’re a goddamned saint for not ripping your office apart. It’s so hard to deal with idiots, ESPECIALLY when they’re so sure that they’re the biggest, smartest, coolest men in the room.

    • livingdilbert May 24, 2010 at 2:13 pm #

      It is shocking, isn’t it? I’m surprised myself most days. Sometimes I just imagine punching people in the face…and it helps. Thank you for your kind words! (I love your comments.)

  5. cooper May 24, 2010 at 2:28 pm #

    Just when you think you’ve heard the stupidest thing ever said…someone will top it. There is no bottom to the dank well of moronic statements uttered by the clueless…

  6. redriverpak May 24, 2010 at 8:45 pm #

    I sure hope you hit the lottery someday soon and can just march into your office and go postal on your boss…..and then blog all the great gory details!

  7. Pop May 25, 2010 at 8:14 am #

    “We have a very, very small office and you forgot your one and only dedicated assistant is here?”

    Do you think he would notice if you put up a cardboard cutout of yourself? Might be useful for getting away on Fridays AND BB#2 will think you’re such a hard worker since you leave the office so late.

  8. Belle May 25, 2010 at 11:17 am #

    LD, you’re killing me! I’ve learned never to attempt to drink a cup of coffee and read you at the same time! Coffee out the nose isn’t pretty!!! 🙂 But love that you make me laugh so hard!

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