Dear Clients….

26 May

Not only do I have to deal with Bad Bosses, I have to deal with Clients that set them off.  Please know that generally I like clients…and I do all I can to make them happy and pleased.  They are our bread and butter, right?

However, Living Dilbert hates Clients that just don’t use their head.  

People, if you are going to send us a “password-protected” document for our review, did it perhaps occur to you that we need the PASSWORD??   Instead, I’m stuck with a gorilla banging his chest because he can’t get into the document that YOU sent him.  See my quandary?

Another thing I’d appreciate from you, dear Client?   Please don’t promise Bad Boss you will send him something or call him and then not do so until a Sunday morning or a Friday night or anytime that is really pretty crappy of you.   It sets him off and who is his emotional punching bag?  ME.   I will really dislike you if you continue to do that and most certainly will resent you.  Plus, I can promise you he is going to charge you extra if you annoy him.

Lastly, don’t be mad at me because I have to ask you who you are when you call.  I can’t help it.  Bad Boss makes me screen all his calls and he likes to know “who is calling and what you want” – do you think I give a crap what you want?  Honestly, I have bigger fish to fry.   If you call enough times, I’ll recognize your number and greet you by name….but, most of our clients don’t stick around long enough.  

If you are a nice and decent human being, I will move heaven and earth for you.  It’s just in my blood from years of client service.   I love you when you are nice!  I know it isn’t your fault that Bad Boss is mean.   If you don’t agitate Bad Boss (a/k/a the hornet’s nest), we’ll get along just fine.

Tomorrow – The Suite Sweet Life of Useless Coworker

14 Responses to “Dear Clients….”

  1. Slamdunk May 26, 2010 at 8:31 am #

    Ouch, the password protected document certainly is annoying. I hope that gets resolved quickly.

    • Mike May 26, 2010 at 8:42 am #

      You are so right. I was a courier for years and the people I would meet as I walked in were amazing. How some of these people were ever put in front of the public baffled me.

  2. Sank May 26, 2010 at 8:56 am #

    You have a great blog here.. I cringe when I read it however as 1) I live much of this myself and 2) I’d be terrified to even let out that I’m just reading this subversive stuff, much less writing it.

    Well done!

  3. izziedarling May 26, 2010 at 9:01 am #

    LD, great post as always. If you have clients, and the firm has no income, do they barter with goats and chickens?

    • shoutabyss May 26, 2010 at 9:22 am #

      At long last – some divergence! We can pause the skeery Twilight Zone music, at least for a minute.

      You see clients as an important part of the business and you generally like them. Well I don’t! They are the bane of my existence and in some cases actually exceed my boss in terms of stupidity. (Almost an inconceivable concept to be sure.)

      Nay! I say the quicker we can eliminate customers from our business the better! 🙂 And no, I’m not kidding. 🙂

      On a side note, can you believe my company actually thinks it is a good idea to have me represent their company to the outside world? Dumbasses.

      Re: Phone calls. The boss frequently makes us follow his mandates that make us look like assholes and idiots. Like calling someone over and over again and hanging up on their voice mail until the person actually picks up the phone. Idiot boss just can’t wait for his emergency because he’s the most important person on the planet. So he makes us do his dirty work and we’re the ones that end up looking like royal jerks. Personally I believe it is important to establish good working relationships with my peers in other organizations but all he cares about are his immediate needs and destroying those relationships.

      My boss is a flaming idiot and talks about how busy he is, but when you are on the phone, he stops everything he is doing and devotes his entire existence to listens to my conversation. Knowing your boss is listening is like being sprinkled with little rainbows of joy. The reasons for this are twofold: First it gives him a wonderful opportunity to critique your performance and tell you how every single thing you said and did was 100% wrong. Second, because you know he’s listening, you can’t get yourself off the hook by saying something simple like, “I know it seems like I’m being an asshole but my boss is making me do this.” (Whenever my boss isn’t listening I always work this into the conversation.)

  4. alchiketi May 26, 2010 at 10:10 am #

    in defense of the client with password protected doc: Ok..LD, allow me to conjure up a possible scenario for you. Maybe…just maybe the Client has Useless Coworker(S)who are sooo dumb that they would scramble the database that she laboriously created over a few month’s time and this was a defensive shield she created.

    just maybe. please don’t block me from your blog. i love LD.

    • livingdilbert May 26, 2010 at 10:18 am #

      I would NEVER block you!! Are you kidding? You do make a good point. I can totally see Useless Coworker doing that. She accidentally puts passwords on her own stuff and then laments when she can’t open it.

      • Wally May 26, 2010 at 11:16 am #

        LD – We all love you!!!!!!!! One day you’re gonna get out of there. But then, what will your followers do???

      • livingdilbert May 26, 2010 at 2:21 pm #

        Don’t you worry, Wally. I have plenty of stories up my sleeve! Plus, doesn’t look like I’m getting out of this hellhole any time soon….

  5. Cori May 26, 2010 at 12:33 pm #

    It is SO easy to be nice, I never understand rude clients. Especially when they are most likely nice to Bad Boss but not you. One of my favorite quotes, “I person who is nice to you but rude to their waiter is NOT a nice person.

    Wally- I am not worried. LD has been working in this field for too long and I suspect, if we are lucky enough, that she has years worth of stories!

    • Cori May 26, 2010 at 12:34 pm #

      Meant to put “A person who is nice to you but rude to…” Typing too fast. 😉

  6. cooper May 26, 2010 at 12:36 pm #

    my clients are internal to the megagreed concern for whom i slave.

    they should drown in a pit of their own sputum…

  7. marketingtomilk May 29, 2010 at 7:29 am #

    Just a brilliant blog. Am thoroughly enjoying it. It reminds me of my days in the office, thankfully i am having a “career break” for a while.

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