What the %*^#$@??!!

2 Jun

I’m so tempted to use the word “Really?” in all caps and a picture of me screaming at the top of my lungs, but since SNL already did a skit they aptly named “Really?”….I’ll refrain myself.

 Let’s just refer to it as,  “How to know you are fu**ed in your job”-

 1 – Bad Bosses ploy to reduce the rent has failed miserably and we are losing half our space…a BIG, damn half too.

 2 – Bad Boss #2 finally gave Useless a review and I actually felt sorry for her.  He told her (and it affects me) that they never plan to do a 401(k) for us and if they do have one, it’ll be for their benefit only.    

 3 – BB #2 also told someone in the office loudly, “We can’t afford our rent anymore, so we have to cut back.”

 4 – BB had the audacity to correct a Statement of Account I prepared by adding a 1% penalty for clients that don’t pay in 30 days?  His own clients have not paid us in 3 months and he’s too afraid to call them…plus, since his mind changes daily on how he likes his documents to be revised, I tried looking up one of his old documents to mirror it and my jaw hung open realizing he hasn’t sent out sh** since Feb.   Last time I looked at the calendar, it’s JUNE.

 5 – BB told me he’s got to move stuff around to make adjustments for the new space…once again proving he missed his calling as a rocket scientist. It’ll be a giant pissing contest between the three of them and guess who is the fire hydrant?  You got it.

 6 – BBs spent an hour today talking crap about other lawyers and how stupid they are.  Perhaps I should bring in a full-length mirror and when they next time…I’ll take the mirror and go stand in front of them.  Most likely, they won’t get it.

 7 – Bosses do everything to flush money down the commode and do nothing to collect it.  I’m still amazed they seem surprised we are losing ½ our space.  I was secretly hoping we’d get evicted.  Dang it.

 8 – Not only do they suck as bosses, they seem to be flauting it now.  They are the matadors and I am the bull and I only see red.

 9 – Hives.  They are back on my hands.  Not a good thing!   It ain’t poison ivy.  

10 – Today our parking garage smells like wet terds.  Giant, rotting terds.  

How about I leave the hellhole as soon as humanly possible and you can parade around your ½ space office talking about how great you are with only the sound of your own voices echoing?  Sounds good to me.

Tomorrow – Wishes of a Corporate Drone (with an attitude)

13 Responses to “What the %*^#$@??!!”

  1. bookjunkie June 2, 2010 at 8:13 am #

    Oh yikes!…those look like stress induced hives to me. Hope you get to head butt bad bosses soon like that bull in the picture. They are asking for it!

  2. Jenni Engledow June 2, 2010 at 8:35 am #

    I recommend a liquid lunch for you today!

  3. Office1 June 2, 2010 at 9:00 am #

    LD…run for your life and take every damn thing that’s not tied down with you.

  4. shoutabyss June 2, 2010 at 9:22 am #

    Hives? Wow. A place where I still have failed to boldly go. You have my condolences.

    Once again the similarities are spookily eerie.

    My boss did successfully reduce the rent but we’re not supposed to tell the other tenants.

    In my experience bosses like to view themselves as wonderful people. You know, the exact opposite of what they really are. So they spend a fair amount of time daydreaming about things they’ll never do but that make them feel better about themselves. In my case it is idle chit chat regarding profit sharing and benefits. These have been discussed for years but never offered. Then they go sit in the corner, suck their thumb and think to themselves, “What a good boss am I.”

    I’ve worked two jobs in this small down in the last nine years or so. Both have staff meetings that start the EXACT same way – With the boss saying things like, “I don’t make money. You all make more than me. I don’t draw a salary.” Talk about inspirational motivation! It’s a proactive technique designed to keep employees from asking for anything but they don’t seem to realize it harms them and their business.

    One thing I have learned: Billing is a dish best served fresh. Every passing day dramatically increases the chances you’ll never be paid. Billing is the single most important task in your office. Period. A late fee of 1.5% monthly on unpaid balances is customary.

    I’m loving your posts and praying for you all at the same time. I notice that you use the “humor” tag. I never do. 🙂

  5. shutterboo June 2, 2010 at 10:11 am #

    Dear DL,
    It might be time. Hives are a sign. I’m sending good mojo your way in hopes of greener grass. And less hives. But still hilarious stories.
    Love,
    Boo

  6. Belle June 2, 2010 at 11:05 am #

    LD, run! Run as fast as you can! Run for your life! NOTHING is worth letting it get to you so badly you have hives. That’s only what you can see. What about what it’s doing to you that you can’t see? (extreme experience speaking) run, Run, RUN!!!!

  7. redriverpak June 2, 2010 at 12:39 pm #

    Sounds like the boss from Hell on the movie “Office Space” decided to go into Law and become a Lawyer…

  8. cooper June 2, 2010 at 1:49 pm #

    was it something I said????

    yes…step it up and move on out….

  9. breaaire June 2, 2010 at 4:26 pm #

    Uffda. Noone is ever a villain in their own mind, but dddang…

    You need to bounce, take Useless Coworker’s exercise ball, attach a rope, and BOUNCE! Leave this place, and retrieve your life from their shredder!

    No job is worth risking your health, or your sanity. Before you peel the skin off your hands, or the hair off your head, make like a tree and gettheflockouttathere!

  10. A Girl & Her Dot June 2, 2010 at 6:22 pm #

    I think you should go buy yourself something pretty today and drink a fabulous blended drink with a lot of tequila!!! Hope the hives go away soon. I just left a job like that so I know how you feel. There were a couple crying in the bathroom episodes for me.

  11. Jeff308M1 June 2, 2010 at 11:31 pm #

    Are you saying he has sent out bills 90 days (or more) late and then because they weren’t paid in 30 days (60 days before he billed them) he tacked on a late charge? If I received a bill like that, I would be quite irate.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. On Living Dilbert « Life As I Know It - June 2, 2010

    […] I’m so tempted to use the word “Really?” in all caps and a picture of me screaming at the top of my lungs, but since SNL already did a skit they aptly named “Really?”….I’ll refrain myself.  Let’s just refer to it as,  “How to know you are fu**ed in your job”-  1 – Bad Bosses ploy to reduce the rent has failed miserably and we are losing half our space…a BIG, damn half too.  2 – Bad Boss #2 finally gave Useless a review and I actually felt sorry f … Read More […]

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