Typical Work Day of Living Dilbert

9 Jun

Ok, buckle your seat belts.  My day (in a nutshell) Monday – Friday:

Wake up, feel dread, dawdle and do any other task rather than get ready for work.   Great time to do housekeeping.

Drive to work and cuss everyone else on the road out, even when they truthfully don’t deserve it.  Feel guilty.  Vow to change.

Arrive at 10.  No one cares.  Read work email and realize there is still nothing of value needed by me unless Bad Boss, who sits 10 feet away, yet still sends me stupid emails.   He likes to send me demeaning emails mainly in the mornings.  Sometimes, I check our p.o. box because BB told me to…yet, he goes himself and the other day there he was pulling up as I was leaving.  Dumb asshole.  He said, “Oh, you checked it?”  “No, I drive here for fun to be treated even crappier by the post office.”   Plus, why do we bother?  It is always empty because they rarely send anyone invoices.

Sit here for 8 hours filled with dread, boredom, rage, powerlessness, disgust and vengeful thoughts.   Do any mundane task I’m asked with an extremely fake (yet internally hateful) smile.  I stopped trying several months ago to invoke positive change because no one is remotely interested in doing well apparently and only care about their own ass and ego….with are, ironically, both failing and shitty.

Try to do one thing of value each day.  Today I donated blood during my lunch hour.  It felt good.  Bad Bosses actually make fun of me when I give blood.  I’m certain the only thing they’ve ever donated is their own poo in the hopes others will swallow.

Listen to pointless, sexist, racist and maniacle banter between Bad Bosses who mostly pretend I don’t exist.  

Go eat lunch with Best Friend.  Read wonderful blogs and learn more about the world.

Pray Bad Boss leaves early because that is my new ticket to leave as well.  If they all want to sit here in dead silence reading internet news with their thumbs up their bums, I excuse myself from the torture at 6:00 and drive home.

Get home to Main Squeeze, pretend I don’t work at Ass Kisser, Shit for Brains & I Hate Women, LLP and do something worthwhile.

Sounds damn rewarding, doesn’t it?  

Tomorrow – I Feel a Stomach Flu Coming On…

19 Responses to “Typical Work Day of Living Dilbert”

  1. MB June 9, 2010 at 8:33 am #

    Thanks for giving blood. I’m going to have to get out and donate myself, it’s been a long time.

    Hope you enjoy your “sick” day tomorrow. 😉 I think that stomach flu will require 2 sick days and a weekend to recover. 😉

    • livingdilbert June 9, 2010 at 10:46 pm #

      I thought I replied to you earlier! Dang. Giving blood is a great way to feel a little better about things. It is so worth the little bit of pain and…it is going to cause me to be sick for 1.5 days starting tomorrow at 1. I like the way you think.

  2. Office1 June 9, 2010 at 8:38 am #

    Hate recycling, make fun of giving blood…Karma is a bitch baby and it’s coming for them. I hope I’m there to see it.

    • livingdilbert June 9, 2010 at 11:57 am #

      I sure as hell hope so. I’d give you free tickets to the show. Today, they saw a former colleague in the paper who has been promoted to a higher level legal job and all they could do was make fun of him. Nice.

  3. Pop June 9, 2010 at 8:53 am #

    I don’t know why, but this post just reminded me of that Career Builder commercial from the Super Bowl a few years back where the woman pulls into her parking spot and starts screaming and pounding on her steering wheel. Have you reached the point of punching small animals yet?

    But hey, “Go eat lunch with Best Friend. Read wonderful blogs and learn more about the world…Get home to Main Squeeze…” aren’t so bad, are they? Even after a crappy day at work and being stuck in traffic, the simple joys make life worthwhile. 🙂

    • livingdilbert June 9, 2010 at 11:56 am #

      You are right, Pop. I get to pet rescue animals too and that makes me feel happy as well. I just need to be better about shaking off the stench of Bad Bosses before I get home!

  4. Brea June 9, 2010 at 9:47 am #

    You wrote:
    “Drive to work and cuss everyone else on the road out, even when they truthfully don’t deserve it. Feel guilty. Vow to change.”
    You’ve been watching my drive-cam again, haven’t you? Course, I don’t feel guilty about my harmless road-rage. It allows me to vent my feelings on others, without their knowledge, and without hurting them. Their stupidity is not affected by me screaming at my closed window. Danggit.

    • livingdilbert June 9, 2010 at 11:55 am #

      It is good to know I’m not alone. I did it this morning too and had an entire conversation with myself with things like, “Why am I so mean?” “Why am I so heartless?” “What if I can’t change back to the good person I once was?!” It was exhausting. Then, I flipped off a few people who came within 20 feet of my car and thought “oh well, I’m doomed” You are SO right though…they don’t even know I do it..so it doesn’t hurt, right?

  5. Cymbria June 9, 2010 at 10:31 am #

    You’ve made me feel so much better!! I was holding everything together on the bus this morning. Then some dufus kept staring at me – must have been intrigued by closely veiled AM rage. I did something I’ve managed to avoid for years… I lost it on him – thereby voiding humanity’s most precious social contract. Sigh, I guess I’d better sigh up for the next blood drive~

    • livingdilbert June 9, 2010 at 11:54 am #

      Good for you! I wish I could have witnessed it! I hope you kicked him in the nuts too! You don’t need to give blood…I read your great blog and it makes me smile and countless others…that is a valuable service right there. I love your blog.

  6. shoutabyss June 9, 2010 at 11:44 am #

    “Bad Bosses actually make fun of me when I give blood. I’m certain the only thing they’ve ever donated is their own poo in the hopes others will swallow.”

    Damn, girl. You know how to write! 🙂

    I found myself thinking along these exact same lines this morning. From the time I wake up until I get to work the space-time continuum is subjected to extreme quantum acceleration. When work is looming on the horizon the Universe is apparently in the mood to do the Time Warp.

    Then I get to work and the universe says, “Whoa, now. Let’s slow it down and chill. Slow it waaaaay, down.”

    Life is pain.

    P.S. I’m glad the bosses don’t donate blood. I’m pretty sure biting isn’t the only to become a vampire.

    • livingdilbert June 9, 2010 at 11:52 am #

      Thank you for making me grin ear to ear! I kid you not..to all of you who said “they make fun of you for giving blood?” Yes. Used to work at a place where we got “extra credit” for giving blood and so when I’d ask to leave my desk…they’d comment later that I only did it to get points and whatever else shitty they could think of. I should have answered, “Actually, my Mom survived cancer 3 times and I give blood for all the times she was in the hospital and needed transfusions.” Which is completely true. Heartless bastards. I’m going to up my snappy comebacks to them. What will they do, fire me??

      • Brea June 9, 2010 at 12:03 pm #

        At my office, my boss is a HUGE advocate for giving blood. She’s working on 100 gallons, and says when she reaches that goal, she’s gonna get a tattoo! (yeah right, *snicker*) We have a blood drive at least once a year, and the bus pulls right up to the building. She guilts everyone at the office, AND realtors AND lenders into donating. It’s awesome!

  7. Jenna June 9, 2010 at 2:12 pm #

    Hilarious post – I feel for ya too, though

  8. katie o. June 9, 2010 at 2:25 pm #

    ld, thank you for making me feel better about my job. i’d throw myself out of a window if i had to work at your place of business. i might even take a few of the bb’s with me. 🙂

  9. Ody June 9, 2010 at 3:56 pm #

    What makes a good boss? I try to give my employees lots of room to do the tasks assigned to them. I hate it when my boss looks over my shoulder and I trust my people to do what I ask of them. I also try to convene regularly to get everyone on the same page. I take them out for birthdays and Christmas. Sometimes, I think I don’t give them more positive feedback. But what exactly makes a bad boss bad and a good boss good?

    • livingdilbert June 9, 2010 at 4:25 pm #

      I have worked for a lot of lawyers and a lot of judges and YOU, my friend, are a Good Boss.

  10. iriseblogger June 9, 2010 at 3:59 pm #

    This is the first time have read your blog. I love that! remind me lots of memories.

  11. redriverpak June 9, 2010 at 10:45 pm #

    When “Living Dilbert” the sitcom becomes a reality, you will have to send me an autographed photo so I can say that I was a cyber-friend of yours back before you got rich and famous! 🙂

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