Useless Coworker Strikes Again!!!

29 Jun

I know that a lot of my annoyance/anger/banging my head against a wall regarding Useless is possibly displaced aggression.   Should I find a way to combat this?   Sure…but, it wouldn’t be nearly as fun.

Things I’d love to shout at the top of my lungs about 1/2 an inch from Useless Coworker’s ear:

1 – Things do NOT empty themselves!!!!!!!!!!   EMPTY them!!!!!!!!  Need an example, terds for brains?   Pencil sharpener, all the hole punchers, the shredder that you put all your personal bills in each day, the the list goes on.

2 – QUIT trying to be in control of every conversation in the office.    No one cares.  Period.  No one cares to include anyone else around here and the sooner you realize it, the better off you will be.

3 – QUIT making your desk your personal closet and/or apartment.  I may have to take a picture and post it…but, it’d be risky.   I walked by your desk today and thought (with my Tourette’s), “It looks like a goddamn hurricane went through here.”  I’ve never seen so many shoes, blankets, personal pictures, books, post its, dirty dishes, etc. 

4 – STOP thinking Bad Boss #2 will appreciate you and tell you so.   Honey, the earth will spew Krispy Kreme chocolate-glazed doughnuts before that happens.  

5 – STOP asking me how I am.   I’m grumpy..that’s how I am.  I am here, I’m with you and Bad Bosses all day and I’m grumpy as hell.  As a result, I am short with you and then I feel guilty.  STOP adding to my guilt!

Poor Useless Coworker….thank God breathing is an automatic physical reflex or she’d forget to do it and smother.

Tomorrow – Things Bad Bosses Don’t Give a Crap About…

17 Responses to “Useless Coworker Strikes Again!!!”

  1. Brooke June 29, 2010 at 8:43 am #

    Taking a photo would be risky. But I’m dying to know what it looks like. How about a drawing? Or something as equally entertaining – you could put your own spin on it too. 🙂

  2. Office1 June 29, 2010 at 9:00 am #

    OK…my favorite useless co-worker moment:

    she drags me into her office and asks, “Do you smell something funny?”

    “No.”

    “Really, well I’m dizzy. I think I’m going to go lay down for awhile (on company time).”

    Yep..she was a gem!

  3. thoughtsappear June 29, 2010 at 9:24 am #

    Just to let you know, I’m patiently waiting for the earth to spew Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

  4. Amy June 29, 2010 at 9:35 am #

    I hope you keep this handy so you have it at the ready to read from when you finally quit and can tell her exactly what you think of her.
    Ever see the movie “Waiting”? It’s about waiters at an Applebee’s type restaurant. Hilarious movie, but at the end one of the waiters gets this type of moment and tells off every one of his co-workers. I can only hope to be able to do that one day.

  5. shoutabyss June 29, 2010 at 10:29 am #

    I was waiting with baited breath for this post and it did not disappoint.

    Never, I repeat, never ask me the inane, “How are you?” Besides, no one ever really wants an answer to that question, so save it.

  6. cooper June 29, 2010 at 10:53 am #

    so i see the vacation serenity didn’t last long….

    here’s an idea…get a roll of that yellow police tape and surround UC’s desk as if it was a crime scene…

    you can always tell her(?) it smelled like someone died…

  7. Jill June 29, 2010 at 12:15 pm #

    Seriously? Shoes and blankets? What the hell? That’s weird.

  8. Brea June 29, 2010 at 4:37 pm #

    It’s not really misplaced aggression if it’s truly warranted! Useless must have decided that summer is really too warm for napping in the car, people kept breaking windows to help the baby under the blanket escape! Time to start napping in the bathroom stalls. Or possibly under the desk, whatever works, hunh?

    • livingdilbert June 29, 2010 at 4:41 pm #

      I did find her asleep in the ladies bathroom on the little couch with a blanket pulled up over her head once. Swear to GOD!

  9. Jenna June 29, 2010 at 5:45 pm #

    It is so awkward that she keeps personal things at her desk. Like I totally understand a pic of your boyfriend or friends whatever – but blankets and shoes?

  10. redriverpak June 29, 2010 at 7:17 pm #

    Ya’ll got a couch in the bathroom? You ladies kill me….. 🙂

  11. The Orifice June 29, 2010 at 7:35 pm #

    Are we the same person? Do we have time to write two blogs? Possibly, because I sure as hell sit next to a mole like this. “How are you?”. “Well i was fine until your ass showed up!”

    PS. Who the hell has a couch in the bathroom? How god damn germ ridden would that couch be? Oh i’ll just drop the kids off at the pool and have a sit on the couch after?

  12. pandainabattlesuit June 29, 2010 at 8:04 pm #

    I just love this blog. I think you have a reponsibility to post a picture of the ‘warzone’.

    I would love to post you a picture of my work place idiots but I am sure they move too slow for the shutter to even catch

  13. notesfromrumbleycottage June 29, 2010 at 10:19 pm #

    OK, I will admit I keep my black pumps under my desk to wear on the days I wear foam sandals to work. But I have never thought to keep a blanket at my desk. Note to self…

  14. bookjunkie June 30, 2010 at 7:17 am #

    One of my friends has had it…he’s gonna quit his job tomorrow….his boss has been repeatedly abusive…..it was a case of the last straw on the camel’s back. He is quitting without a job which is dangerous in our economy but it has just been so bad. The thing about bad bosses and coworkers it that they are selfish….they think the whole world revolves around them and don’t even give a moment’s thought about how they affect others….Am waiting for the day you can quit LD. Would love to be there to see the look on your bad boss’ face.

    he made his desk as impersonal as possible so it would be easier to leave….nothing to take with him…. which is a great idea. somehow stuff can make you feel entrenched. but if you’re really happy at your workplace then stuff can make it more homey.

  15. Belle June 30, 2010 at 10:52 am #

    LD, please post a spew rating! I sprayed my desk with coffee when I got to #4!!! Thanks, I desperately needed that!

  16. alchiketi July 1, 2010 at 8:22 am #

    AND ladies and gentlemen, after a week long break that almost made me think i had lost my morning dose of sanity….please welcome Living Dilbert!

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