Living Dilbert Dispels Positive Quotes

8 Jul

Sometimes, I hear positive quotes in my head and then my Living Dilbert side immediately thinks of a retort.

“It is always darkest before the dawn.” – Honey, the sun here never rises and we are in perpetual darkness.

“No good deed goes unpunished.”  I actually agree with this one.

“The grass is always greener…” – Yeah, ok…whatever helps you sleep at night.

“All good things come to those who wait.” – Bull.  I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting.   It should be, “All good things come to those who kiss-ass and back stab.”

Keep your chin up.   I’ve got something you can keep up!   How about my entire shoe collection up your ass?

“Just go outside and look at the sun, it’ll make you feel better.”   How about you go outside and look at the sun…directly….for two minutes and then feel your way back and tell me how you feel.

Ok, these are just a few to get things started.  

Tomorrow – I’m SO Bored That….

14 Responses to “Living Dilbert Dispels Positive Quotes”

  1. Amy July 8, 2010 at 9:16 am #

    “All good things come to those who kiss-ass and back stab.” So true!!

    How about: “God never gives you more than you can handle.” Really? What’s your definition of “handling” it?

    • bookjunkie July 9, 2010 at 2:53 am #

      that is sooo true!! I experienced those awful ass kissers and bad stabbers at my nightmare workplace.

      • bookjunkie July 9, 2010 at 2:55 am #

        oops…i meant back stabbers…but they sure are mean people!!

  2. The Idiot Speaketh July 8, 2010 at 10:17 am #

    The people that wrote those quotes……are MORONS….

  3. Cori July 8, 2010 at 10:33 am #

    I am amazed at how many times I have said recently that no good deed goes unpunished. Sadly, it is the perfect quote at times. But, I would not say that it is such a positive quote. 😉

    I would also add that Willy never had to work where you do or else he would not have said this gem:
    “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
    – William Shakespeare

  4. Pop July 8, 2010 at 10:37 am #

    LOL. I’ve always loved, “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.” Bull. I feel weaker and more stupid with every conversation I have w/ useless coworkers.

    • Barb July 8, 2010 at 5:09 pm #

      What won’t kill you may well leave you permanently disabled…

  5. thoughtsappear July 8, 2010 at 11:43 am #

    Going outside doesn’t make me feel better, it makes me feel hot and sweaty. Yuck.

  6. tryityoumightlikeit July 8, 2010 at 11:53 am #

    I like your retort about looking directly at the sun. It made chuckle.

  7. shoutabyss July 8, 2010 at 12:32 pm #

    The post you’ve written here is the Citizen Kane of blogging. Sublime!

    I vote for “shoe collection” as the winner!

    My favorites:
    “They can kill you but they can’t eat you.” – That’s supposed to make me feel better? And I’m pretty sure that it’s not even true!

    “When life gives you lemons…” – This one is a bit tougher. About the best I can come up with is: “Go to the grocery store like they did in Terminator and make plastique.”

  8. Jenni Engledow July 8, 2010 at 12:53 pm #

    Okay, here are some pump you quotes from my quote-a-day calendar that I received from my insurance company:

    “A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition.” – William Arthur Ward – Wow, isn’t that nice? I don’t know who WAW is though. Sounds like a Hallmark card.

    “Practice hope. As hopefulness become a habit, you can achieve a permanently happy spirit.” – unknown. I know I don’t practice this enough!

    Okay, you really need to get out of there!

  9. Ody Granados July 8, 2010 at 2:22 pm #

    Personally I like “If at first you don’t succeed…” get some underling to do it while you supervise in the shade with an umbrella drink

    and…

    “That which does not kill us makes us stronger” Personally, in your situation, I’d root for death.

  10. bookjunkie July 9, 2010 at 2:52 am #

    All those quotes so apply to my life 🙂 When I’m in the dumps it’s awful to hear the grass is greener quip.

  11. izziedarling July 13, 2010 at 10:07 am #

    Oh, this is good, LD – makes me think of all those crappy quotes! 🙂

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