I Really Don’t Give a Flip

29 Jul

I think it is finally happening.  Living Dilbert is developing a truly thick skin.   After 29  months of dealing with Bad Bosses and Useless Coworkers that don’t give a crap, guess what?   I don’t give a rat’s ass anymore.   Once upon a time, I would have been horrified by such a personality development when it comes to my work ethic, but now I think it will probably save my life.    Now, when dysfunctional, idiotic, maddening, stupid-ass situations present themselves…I hear a calm serene voice in my head that says it again and again.   “I don’t give a flip.”   It is enlightening I tell you!

Recent examples?

1 – Everyone is up in arms about where they will put their useless crap now that the building has cut 1/2 our space.  Useless loves to come to me all shaking like chihuahua in an ice storm and says, “Have you heard where people are going to be putting their boxes?”  “Where do you think I should put BB#2’s things?”  and there it is….I don’t give a flip.

2 – Bad Bosses running around today with their shriveled peens saying, “I didn’t know THAT is where the wall was going!  Now, maybe we can move the server room again so it is quieter.”   Yes, God knows the hum must keep them from working….ooops, there I go.   I don’t give a flip – figure it out yourself.

3 – Bad Bosses trying to mark their territory with the new space and have constantly come out of their offices to stare at said new wall.   I want to scream.   Oh, that’s right…I don’t give a flip.

4 – We have no business and the only person that sent out their bills for a 3 month period is BB #2.  It was for about $30K….four weeks ago.   Has anyone paid us? No.   I don’t give a flip…just pay me unemployment.

5 – There is no room in this office for your egos, your bullsh** and your slapping each other on the back.  You constantly ignore anything that makes sense and I watch you spend countless dollars due to that fact.   You are the dumbest bastards I’ve ever met.   You will not listen to any form of reason, ever.   Oh crap..insert new motto – I don’t give a flip.

I now also don’t give a rat’s ass about working a full day.   None of you do and I’ve been doing it for 29 months.  I faithfully sit here while you flush money down the figurative commode.  Not anymore, my friends.   Here’s a flip I can use.

Next Time – My Life as a Ringmaster

20 Responses to “I Really Don’t Give a Flip”

  1. shoutabyss July 29, 2010 at 11:30 am #

    “Peen” FTW!

    And by “marking territory” I assume you mean pee.

    Re: Mood Indicator. I was just thinking the other day about doing the exact same thing and there it is. Wow! Maybe there is fate or something like that? 🙂

    • livingdilbert July 30, 2010 at 3:36 pm #

      “Shriveling peen” to be exact! Like it?

      You read that right…they hike their little legs and pee on stuff all the time!

  2. Office1 July 29, 2010 at 11:30 am #

    Hey LD…meet me at 3 pm for cocktails. Who gives a flip right?

  3. izziedarling July 29, 2010 at 11:52 am #

    LD, love the new mantra. Wear tennis shoes to work, smuggle wine bottles in, and have a sip or two every time they do something dumb. Well, maybe not. You would be drunk by 10 am. You decide.

    • livingdilbert July 30, 2010 at 3:37 pm #

      Thank you, dear Izzie! I honestly like the wine idea. Sometimes I wonder if I drank at work if they’d notice. I think it’d be a fine experiment.

  4. Belle July 29, 2010 at 12:25 pm #

    LD, I love the image of BBs staring at the new wall! What are they trying to do – figure out what it is or how it got there? Don’t need much mental stimulation, do they? 🙂

    • livingdilbert July 29, 2010 at 1:53 pm #

      I’m honestly not sure how grown men could be so fascinated with a wall. You should have SEEN it !! It was truly scary. They talked about it for 2 hours.

  5. IntrigueMe July 29, 2010 at 2:37 pm #

    I can relate right now. This morning I told a co-worker that I was destined to punch someone in the face today so he’d better not let it be him. He took it surprisingly well, chuckled and called me a “rebel”.

    • livingdilbert July 30, 2010 at 3:37 pm #

      Oh, I like that! After you said it, did he back away slowly?

      • IntrigueMe July 31, 2010 at 1:55 am #

        Oddly, no… which just shows how seriously they take me at work. Someone actually had the gull to say to me the other day “I’ll do it, this can’t go through worker bee level”. Umm, I’m sorry- did you just call me a worker bee? Stupid bitch.

  6. cooper July 29, 2010 at 3:14 pm #

    What do you mean? I stare at walls all the time! People walk byand see my gazed fixed on the tacky faux-fabric patterns of my cell…um, cube wall and they tend to keep right on walking…not sure if I’m going to jump up and go postal or start drooling on myself. Either way they don’t want to get involved….

    • livingdilbert July 30, 2010 at 3:38 pm #

      Not that kind of gazing…that is understandable gazing because you are quiet. They stare at the wall and then like to discuss it. Who knew walls could be such a converstation starter? I get the drooling….

  7. slightlyignorant July 29, 2010 at 4:59 pm #

    Well, LD, I don’t think that you fully grasp the importance of a new WALL. It is unexplored territory, to be peed on and conquered! It’s a place to bring the mistresses to or throw the tennis-ball against! It’s what the Bad Bosses are going to stare at now day in and day out instead of working! A new wall is of the utmost importance.

    • livingdilbert July 30, 2010 at 3:39 pm #

      You hit the nail on the head! It is unexplored and unclaimed…they still love it today. They’ll love it Monday too when it is actually painted! I can’t wait to see their little faces.

  8. Heart of Gold July 29, 2010 at 10:02 pm #

    The wall- what a group of morons.

    If you could charge billable hours for wall watching they would be back in business! 😉

  9. redriverpak July 30, 2010 at 12:03 am #

    “Shriveled peens”…….I gotta write that down! brilliant!

    • livingdilbert July 30, 2010 at 10:49 am #

      Thank you!!! You are the only one that noticed! I just put what comes to mind….and today it is shriveled more than ever. I know, I’m awful….

  10. chlost July 30, 2010 at 1:22 am #

    Hi-I just found your blog and love it. I’m sorry that you are living through this (but you appear to have gained the correct attitude about it), but it is fun to read. I’ve been a boss-I can’t imagine doing this stuff.

    • livingdilbert July 30, 2010 at 3:41 pm #

      I’m so glad you found me!! If I can make you laugh, it makes me happy!

  11. redriverpak July 30, 2010 at 5:27 pm #

    Have a sign made for your desk that says “I don’t give a flip” in Latin. No one will know what the hell it means….but you will…..

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