My Life as a Ringmaster

30 Jul

When I was younger, I used to want to run away and be in the circus.  I’ll admit that it still fascinates me at times.   I get scared now, however, because I think there is a lot of meth use and I’m not really into that.   Today, I realized I am already in the circus…just not your traditional type.  Holy Smokes, I’m the GD ringmaster of a corporate three-ring circus.

Presenting the renowned circus of Ostrich, Giant Baby & Tinkles!

Ring One – Infuriating Super Baby!  Oh, this one definitely requires a whip too.  He’s been running around the ring today slamming doors.   He is a Master of Door Slamming when there is the slightest noise.  Today I mistakenly spoke to another coworker and the noise made him turn into the Incredible Hulk Super Pooing Baby!  My coworker (not Useless, who is aftraid of her own shadow) had to grab me by the arm before I went and slammed his head into my fist. 

Ring Two – Incredible Denial Man!  This would be Bad Boss #2 in his real life.   He heard the door slam (who didn’t?) and immediately buried his head in the sand!   He knows BB is a monster and is afraid of him.   He is also BB’s mentor…so, it is painful to see.  Oh, the power he could have if he weren’t in denial!  As Ringmaster, I just let him quiver about the ring each day.   Sometimes I have to move him away from the new wall we had built day before yesterday because he just stands in front of it like a sweet, old lost dog with dementia.

Ring Three – Useless Coworker!  Useless….she’s like one of those vacuuming robots that I could just turn loose  into her ring.  She’d just race about bumping into things…reversing and doing it all over again.   Her main claim to stardom?  She operates without a brain!   Her other nicknames?  Nervous Jervous or Tinkles!   Tinkles gets so nervous each day and bustles about asking me questions about what might happen.  How the fu** should I know?  Perhaps Ringmaster should shove her into a big sack with chains on it to see if she can escape!    

Ok, my sweetnesses,…have to run.  I’m going to go whip the living daylights out of Bad Boss.   I can’t even believe how infuriating he is.  What happened to my not giving a flip?  Oh, that’s right…he slammed a door in my face!

This circus thing will be an ongoing title….there is SO much to work with each day!  In the meantime?  I’ll be the wonderous Ringmaster who is spitting fire!

Next Time – The Tide is Turning

21 Responses to “My Life as a Ringmaster”

  1. Office1 July 30, 2010 at 11:27 am #

    Just a suggestion…invite a lion in and see if one of the bad bosses will put their head inside his mouth.

    Then…pull a raw piece of steak out of your back pocket and throw it in!

    • livingdilbert July 30, 2010 at 3:35 pm #

      Office1…great idea! I have a better one…how about I just drink gin drinks instead and then I won’t care?

  2. shoutabyss July 30, 2010 at 11:29 am #

    You wielding a chair and a whip. I’ll bet that is quite a sight.

    I’m thinking they need to do a reality show based in your office.

    Door slamming, eh? Why didn’t he try out for America’s Got Talent? It certainly sounds entertaining. For bonus points he could do it while dressed up like a clown.

    Personally I never wanted to be in the circus. But they came and took me to the circus anyway. In exchange for snarling, “I am not an animal!” I get free room and board.

    • livingdilbert July 30, 2010 at 3:34 pm #

      Bad Boss could win awards for door slamming. He has the technique down pat. Well, that…and having hissy fits.

  3. Brea July 30, 2010 at 11:53 am #

    Where’s my cotton candy? Do we get to throw peanuts and popcorn at them? And there needs to be a bear on a motorcycle in there, somwhere!

    Balloons! programs! sodas! Getchur programs here! Hotdogs!

    • livingdilbert July 30, 2010 at 3:31 pm #

      Brea, you’ve given me a great idea. I’m going to start eating cotton candy and peanuts at my desk. If BB asks what I’m doing…I’ll just say “watching the circus!”

      • Brea July 30, 2010 at 4:03 pm #

        Don’t forget to throw those peanuts at things that make you “Boo” and “Hiss”… Lots of booing and hissing…*snicker*

  4. chlost July 30, 2010 at 12:20 pm #

    Does the ringmaster generally walk the tightrope as well? That is what it sounds like you are doing. Hope there is a net.

    • livingdilbert July 30, 2010 at 3:33 pm #

      I should have added a picture of someone on a tightrope…it does feel that way when BBs are in terrible moods, which is often! I like the way you think…

  5. Pkitass July 30, 2010 at 12:47 pm #

    Ringmasters have all the fun! I’m more behind the scene, cleaning up after the circus show has ended.

    • livingdilbert July 30, 2010 at 3:32 pm #

      Good point….I bet we both have to shovel a lot of piles of poo at the end of the day! 🙂 Hang in there! Can you tell how cheerful I am…that BB is OUT next week? I’m nearly singing at my desk!

  6. Chick Fil-A Girl July 30, 2010 at 3:25 pm #

    LD, as I write this it is 3:22 pm (EST) on Friday. ITS FRIDAY! Try to slip out early, after all, who will really notice? Not BB with his door [slammed] closed.

    Hate to say it, but I’m looking forward to reading your missives next week. But, in the meantime, two days off. Yay! Enjoy your weekend!

    • livingdilbert July 30, 2010 at 3:32 pm #

      Thanks for reading! I love anything Chick Fil-A too!

      • Chick Fil-A Girl August 2, 2010 at 9:56 am #

        Actually, I hate Chick Fil-A. I’m just forced to go there a lot. 😉

  7. alchiketi July 31, 2010 at 9:07 am #

    Channel your inner Britney…bitch

  8. slightlyignorant July 31, 2010 at 4:37 pm #

    To be a real ringmaster, though, you need to prove two things – a) that you can amuse the audience (which you do) and b) that you can also whip the living daylights out of your act, since everyone knows that the ringmaster is the REAL star of the show. So go and whoop some asses!

  9. LachyTV August 1, 2010 at 1:47 am #

    haha your just to funny! I’m adding your to my blog role

    • livingdilbert August 1, 2010 at 11:01 am #

      So glad it is giving you some laughs! Thank you for finding me! It is all true and unfortunately, a continuing adventure….

  10. The Orifice August 1, 2010 at 4:08 am #

    This is when you send them to look after those cute cuddly Tigers. Glad to see you work in a Circus too. I sometimes sing the music but I just get strange looks.

  11. redriverpak August 1, 2010 at 8:25 pm #

    Monday is almost here….Start popping those Xanax right now! 🙂 Have a good week…. or as good a week as you can have….working in Hell….. 🙂


  1. The Really Bad Boss Blog Roundup | Really Bad Boss™ - August 6, 2010

    […] weekly funny – Living Dilbert’s the GD ringmaster of a corporate three ring circus. If you can’t do anything about your bad boss, […]

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