Honest Company Taglines

5 Aug

I should clarify…”Real Life Taglines for an Extremely Dysfunctional Law Firm” – new mottos for Shoulda Tried & Harder a/k/a Has Been, Has Been & Never Was:

We are just here for the coffee and free sodas!

Our firm really doesn’t want your business.

Our law firm is only for pretend purposes to fool our wives.

Book our firm, we won’t bill you and therefore it’s free!

We’d much rather talk about you, than for you!

We are better than you and you are stupid.

If reading internet news is your thing, we are your intown experts!

Sure, we seem nice, but in real life we are vampires!

If your company needs a professional ass-kisser, we’re your firm!

At our fine firm, we all went to Ivy League schools even though we can’t figure out how to fill a stapler!

If you need a firm that won’t even try and that will miss your deadlines, pick us!

Shoulda Tried & Harder, LLP, where losing money is our well-earned specialty.

Global? No.  Resourceful? No. Dependable? No.

Hey, if there is any honestly in advertising, they’d all be perfect.


8 Responses to “Honest Company Taglines”

  1. McFly August 5, 2010 at 11:54 am #

    Pretty solid list here. You should take this same idea and match them up with real companies. Would make a great post.

    • shoutabyss August 5, 2010 at 12:09 pm #

      What are you looking at butthead?

      Sorry. Couldn’t help myself. And what’s that you’re wearing? A life preserver? 🙂

  2. shoutabyss August 5, 2010 at 12:08 pm #

    I wrote a jingle for my place of employment on Monday. You have to sing it, though.

    “It’s amazing how little we care!”

    I love your list. Very creative! I wonder if you bosses know what a goldmine they have in you. They should immediately give you a hefty raise!

  3. Brea August 5, 2010 at 12:27 pm #

    Where disinterest meets stupidity, You’ll find US!

    Sleepy, Dopey and Grumpy, LLC – Exploring the depths of Laziness, so you don’t have to!

    BadBosses, Inc. – Let us show you what NOT to do!

    Pete, Repeat & Upchuck, LLP – Your answer for Dumbassery!

    Couldn’tBe, HasBeen and NeverWas, Ltd. – How the hell did we get in the YellowPages – Doesn’t that cost money?

    *couldn’t resist!* XD

  4. notesfromrumbleycottage August 5, 2010 at 12:45 pm #

    Hmmm, free soda. No thank you, that is not enough to bribe me to put up with your crap.

  5. cooper August 5, 2010 at 1:28 pm #

    Wasting your time for over fifteen years…

    Got Problems? We don’t care.

    Shoulda Tried & Harder, LLP – where the only lawsuit you’ll find is at Barney’s…

  6. Vodka and Ground Beef August 5, 2010 at 3:27 pm #

    My favorite: At our fine firm, we all went to Ivy League schools even though we can’t figure out how to fill a stapler!

    Damn ivy leaguers and your ineptitude with basic office supplies.

  7. Heart of Gold August 6, 2010 at 10:39 am #

    This is one of my favorite posts! I love these and think you are onto something…

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