My Life as a Mummy….

20 Aug

In continuing the “My Life As” series, I had a total epiphany today.   I realized I might as well be an old Egyptian mummy here at Dickhead, Wanna Be and Good Ole Boy LLP.  We have so much in common.

1 – I am old and tired and awfully angry.

2 – I once lived a rich, fulfilling work life, but it has all dried up.

3 – I sure as hell want to curse all those around me and put all types of plagues on them.

4 – My hands are tied and my body feels bound and I’m stuck in eternity trying to make change.

5 – I want to be freed, yet I remain undiscovered.

I’m so tired of these fricking yahoos here.   There is so much passive-aggressive energy in the air from Bad Boss today that I am nearly choking.   If I WAS a mummy, I’d go in there and strangle him just like the mummies did in the old black and white movies.  I might throw him around a bit at first.   In the latest mummy movie series, that mummy could do some cool stuff. God knows there are enough roaches around here and I could tell them all to come hither and crawl down Bad Boss’ mouth or better yet, up the other end.   I want to scream today and all I can manage is a sickly moan.

11 Responses to “My Life as a Mummy….”

  1. Office1 August 20, 2010 at 11:17 am #

    Oh LD…it’s Friday at least. Take your mummy self home early and lay on the couch until your mummyself reconstitutes.

    Two impending days without Bad’s what we live for.

  2. shoutabyss August 20, 2010 at 11:45 am #

    You asked for it. Now the BB’s will be roaming their downsized office space and crying, “I want my mummy. Where is my mummy?”

    There, on the bookshelf, next to the six copies of “Attorney Stuff for Dummies.” Yes, that’s it. The Book of the Dead…

  3. Pkitass August 20, 2010 at 11:55 am #

    you always find the greatest mood indictor pics.

  4. bookjunkie August 20, 2010 at 12:04 pm #

    I hope you get discovered soon and can breathe again. You’d be a great comedy writer 🙂 I just love your wit!

  5. cooper August 20, 2010 at 12:44 pm #

    at least with the Mummy you get some snooze time. If you were Wolfman (sorry, Wolfwoman) you’d be out all night chasing goats for dinner and have to lay in a hefty supply of Shick Disposable razors….

  6. redriverpak August 20, 2010 at 1:44 pm #

    Try not to kill anyone before the end of the day. Don’t want to ruin your weekend! 🙂

  7. redriverpak August 20, 2010 at 2:29 pm #

    You know of course, if and when you do snap….you got a lot of online friends that will all testify on your behalf at the trial! That’s a good gift to have! 🙂

    Just in case…

    • redriverpak August 20, 2010 at 3:26 pm #

      And your coming up to be profiled on my blog in the next day or two 🙂

  8. pbandchutney August 20, 2010 at 10:28 pm #

    You never cease to amaze me! Hang in there mumster!

  9. katie o. August 21, 2010 at 12:12 pm #

    can i just call you mumsy instead? it sounds cute, right? hang in there ld. it’s officially saturday and you don’t have any bad bosses asking you to do some mundane task.
    go have a drink on me.

  10. slightlyignorant August 21, 2010 at 3:31 pm #

    Oh dear :(. Sounds pretty awful… And yet, at least there are the amusing thoughts of Bad Boss trying to get roaches out of his ass to keep you entertained! Well, maybe those visions are more disturbing than amusing… Hmm… How about just mummifying the damn Bad Boss and sticking him in a tomb far far away where he can wait a couple thousand years and unleash his curse of evil, boredom and idiocy on people then?

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