Archive | January, 2012

Doris Doomsday

17 Jan

We all know one – male or female.   These fine folks are the ones that no matter what you tell them – news item, random fact, day of the week….they sure as hell know a terrible story about it and want to share it.  

I’m afraid Living Dilbert has been having back problems resulting from a late dose of teenage idiopathic scoliosis that left me with a 40 degree curve.  I know, I know…you are already bored, so I’ll try to make this quick.  Basically, I’m 46 and now have the spine of an 80 year old and the mother fucker has been hurting – a lot, for 7 months.  I’ve tried it all – selective nerve root blocks, steriod injections, radio frequency lesioning…uh…acupuncture, cupping and the list goes on and on.   Unfortunately, it ain’t working.   There’s a very good chance Living Dilbert will be getting cut and fused in the near future.  Do I like it?  Hell, no.   Am I terrified?  Yes.  Am I wearing down from being in pain nearly 20 hours a day?   Oh, hell, yes.    Thank GOD, I like this job and the people so much and it has allowed me to continue to work, even though many days I drag my left leg down the hall, resemble Quasimodo with my grunts and drool (no humpback…but you get the facial implications of constant pain).   Hey, I can still walk -that’s a huge plus!

Now that you have the background…I can write many posts on this and try to keep it amusing!   Anyway, I told a lady here at work that I probably would be getting surgery…mistake.  The first thing she tells me is that of the two people that she knows of that had back surgery, they were both ultimately paralyzed and one died.   (Language disclaimer) Shut. The. Fuck. Up.   Why the fuck would she tell me that?  Oh, the same reason some other guy tells me that he had the surgery about 155 years ago and that his back is about to fall out.   Terrific, just the thing to cheer me!

Folks, I know none of you do this.   For any of you that may know someone who does, for the love of God PEOPLE, if someone shares with you…do not tell them how someone died from it, or pooped in their pants the rest of their lives or anything similar!   Put a GD gag in your mouth and fricking think before you speak!  

Living Dilbert is inches away from punching the next one who does this to me in the face.  I will simply blame my powerful pain meds.