Tag Archives: corporate life

Change Bugs Me

8 Jul

Its finally sinking in that I’ve really experienced a LOT of change in my life in the last few months.  I don’t like change – it actually usually results in me becoming a raving bitch.  The biggest change lately for anyone that has kept up is my new neck – resulting from not 1, but 2 fusions in a 9 week period.  Guess what?  My body didn’t like it either! 

So, I now have 17 discs in my spine fused and I can still kick ass (but, in new ways).  Let’s just say I’m on sabbatical from my delightful life as a big firm legal secretary.  Big change – what the fuck do I do??? Well, my job now is mainly to keep healing!  Huh?  I’ve put others before myself for..uh, since age 4!  

I’m learning to LET GO of control of everything.  It’s a daily battle.  I couldn’t drive for 5 months, so I feel I’m just getting my wings.  Listen people, don’t take shit like driving and your everyday independence for granted!   If I had to paint a picture…it’d be me as a butterfly, but I’m still just about three-fourths out of my cocoon.  I met a friend for coffee yesterday and ran 2 errands blasting my music in the car and I must say, I thought, “Holy shit, this is cool! I’m out and about and listening to music on a beautiful day at 10:30 in the morning! “. I’ve never experienced such freedom  – being free in the day ?  A BIG CHANGE.  At first, I felt lost, but I’m coming around.

Ok, other changes that throw Living Dilbert into a tizz?

  • Main Squeeze doing any type of furniture moving or even bringing it up..at all;
  • A show I love ends;
  • A restaurant or shop I love closes;
  • The trend in Atlanta currently to mow everything familiar down and build a mixed-use development (stop it!!!);
  • Law firm I love being acquired and turned into a whole new something corporate;
  • When friends move away; 
  • Rosie Perez’s bittersweet goodbye on The View (stop it, The View!!!); and
  • If Life-Saving Therapist EVER tells me she’s retiring!

So, it’s a whole new world out there – did you know that? Life has really changed from 5 years ago and in a way I never expected or planned. Remember, life CAN and WILL sometimes change on a dime.  Put on your damn seatbelt.  Care to join me on my new adventures?  I’ll still have my rants that I hope you can not only identify with, but get a good chuckle as well.  I still promise snark, yet sometimes a glimpse of heart-felt feelings like today.  I’m not totally made of ice!  

Ok, now a nap.  Who AM I??  I guess we’ll find out together.  

Please let me introduce you to my new neck – ain’t it swell?

 

Going Rogue !

28 Dec

Ok, we all know it happens….rogue nose hairs. I noticed one this morning when I was doing my usual make up application so that I don’t look so damn tired and 150 years old.  It’s a process, people.  While dabbing on this and that, my tired eyes spotted it – the rogue nose hair.  Upon closer inspection, there it was – in plain sight and it did not want to go back into the nostril!  I cajoled it and told it I’d deal with it later, but it kept popping out.   I knew it must be dealt with or I was in for a long day.  Sure enough, in rushing to get to work I had forgotten about my new friend.   On the glorious drive to work (because this is the ONE good traffic week a year) I did a final spot check of my appearance…and DAMN, there it was!  The same nose hair was proudlly gleaming at me and I’d forgotten to clip it!   NOW WHAT??  Great, I’m going to have to get some work scissors and find a quiet spot with a mirror to try to get it.  If not, I’ll spend all day wondering if people are looking at me in conversation or “it.”   Ladies, you know it happens!   Men, well….maybe not so much.  I’ve spotted many of you that do not seem to care if you have several rogue nose hairs.  Let me tell you…it makes it really hard to concentrate on what you are saying when they are just staring at us begging to be trimmed!  God forbid when there is stuff attached to them too.  I shudder at the thought.

Do yourself a favor, when and if you spot that pesky, rogue nose hair in the mornings – STOP IT, CLIP IT, RID YOURSELF OF THE BURDEN then and there.   Don’t put it off like me.  I’ll be tucking that sucker back in all day!

Hope you all had a fantastic holiday – we have a LOT to catch up on together.

Breathing Life into Living Dilbert

7 Feb

Ok, I think I’ve caught my breath.  Thank you all for waiting for me and
being so nice.

First, I’ve been reading all your blogs and have been so happy to keep
up with you.  I can keep up even better now because I am not in a
bone-numbing depression that makes me want to gauge my own eyes out and throw them at people.  

My life has taken such a turn.  I LOVE the new job and it couldn’t be
any more different from the days at You Really Should Retire, I Don’t Do Crap and Good Ole Boy LLC.  I’ve been here about 9 weeks now and I have to fight the urge to hug my new bosses every day.  We’ll get into that more
later. 

How have I managed some of my PTSD?  I actually have it…I’m not
kidding.  I’ve had many nightmares, found myself filled with anxiety and
the desire for revenge, and so on.  Classic symptoms!  

I may have done something a bit naughty.  You know how Bad Boss hates
recycling and anything good in the world?  He also hates people that drink green tea.  Don’t ask me why
the man is the way he is, but he hates people for the stupidest reasons I’ve ever heard!   I went to a
website where you can order all types of free catalogs and let me tell
you – he has a ==load of them coming his way!   To the old workplace, his home, etc.  He’ll never have another question about the following topics again – recycling, recycling at work, Big Boy suits, teas of every kind, erectile dysfunction and so on.  Oh, the look of hate on his face when he gets junk mail fills me with pure delight!

You know I have to find my delight in subtle ways.  I wish I could say I’m a big enough person to let bygones be bygones, but to hell with that! 

I won’t make this one too long, but I’M BACK and thank you again for the breather!   You inspire me.

Next Time – I Can’t Poo at this Job….

A special thank you to Heart of Gold for riding my ass…..I still had 1 hour and 55 minutes!

Main Squeeze reporting in

6 Nov

Hi LD fans — I felt that you all needed an update…

Living Dilbert is getting used to Living Life again!  YAY – with Bad Bosses out of the picture, we are able to enjoy life with a cup half full feeling.  Actually, what you all may not know is that Living Dilbert is a “cup half full” kind of gal.  But not with Bad Boss #1, #2, and #3 sucking the life out of her good disposition.

Let me fill you in on her recent full of life activities: she started her new job and is working her ass off –AND loving it!  We have just finished an awesome vacation — we ate at yummy restaurants, spent time with friends, saw a show, shopped, read and just chilled.  All this because Bad Boss #1 was not around to give her excuses as to why this wouldn’t be a good week for him for LD to take her vacation!

And as I sit here – knowing that I don’t have her gift of gab — LD wants you to know how much she appreciates you and still enjoys reading your blogs.

There IS a World Out There

8 Sep

I’m so thankful to say that I’ve made a huge realization in the last two weeks.   There IS a world out there…a happy, functioning, grateful, well-oiled working world out there.  Of course, I am NOT talking about this crater of molten hell.   My views are entrenched more than ever on that fact.   

I’m just simply amazed that I’ve been lucky enough to have three amazing interviews in the last couple of weeks.  While interviewing and meeting these folks, I drank in every detail possible and you know what?   They were healthy places….healthy, I tell you!   Yes, I know…no place is perfect, but I’m talking about a concept I really lost complete hope in without even realizing it.  Through the right combination of much-needed anti-depressants, therapy, incredible friends , you all and my little tiny spark of hope that seems to spring eternal, I’ve realized that places of employment do still exist where people are relatively happy and satisfied.   Thank GOD!   I feel like someone that’s discovered a priceless treasure!

I had a great interview yesterday at a small firm very much like this one, with one huge difference.  The managing partner isn’t a dick of epic proportions.   He is a nice man…wanting to make a good living….and treats his employees well because he realizes that hell…it just makes life a little nicer.  I wish these butt wipes could realize that too, but it will never happen.   It reminds me of an old bumper sticker that I saw that says, “Since I gave up hope I feel a lot better.”  I am done hoping for anything positive from I’m Tired, Buttwipe & I’m a Greedy Bastard LLP.   I feel so much better.  I’m on my way out, folks, it is just a matter of time now!   I hope I don’t sound like a broken record….things are in motion…I can feel it.

We are going to have a lot more fun very soon!  You do realize I’ll be taking you all with me on my new adventures, right?   Law firms are law firms….we’ll just have new things to make fun of!

To my incredibly amazingly wonderful Jewish friends and family – L’shanah tovah!

Wishful Wednesday

25 Aug

I’m going to follow the lead from two fellow, brilliant bloggers with a Wednesday theme.  Hats off to You Are What You Eat and Reheat with White Trash Wednesday and Fix It or Deal with Wine Wednesdays.  I never thought Living Dilbert could have a theme for a weekday, but I like the idea…and the subject will be never-ending!  Thanks girls, for the inspiration.

Today I wish :

1 – that Bad Boss’ hair didn’t look just like Will Schuester’s on the fabulous series, Glee.  I love Glee and seeing the same hair is disturbing to say the least. 

2 – that people in the left lane would DRIVE FASTER and pull their heads out of their bums.

3 – that I’m here when Bad Boss gets the bill from the building for having to build the new wall since our guys decided to give up half our space.  Rumor has it, that BB will have a cow when he sees it.   PLEASE let me be here!

4 – that Bad Boss’ would go to NY for a week and get bedbugs in every possible orifice.

5 – that Bad Boss would have one of his sniveling fits in front of the other two Bad Bosses….and I could sit right here in the middle of it and shout, “SEE, what I mean??  Now you’ll understand when I quit one day without notice!”

Lastly for today, I wish the day would fly by…but, it won’t.  I will continue to sit here and work on other things because we still have no business and we all sit here diligently day in and day out.   Oh, the Days of Drudgery!  Who are they kidding?   LAY ME OFF!!!  I could save you so much money!  Oh, that’s right..that would actually make some bit of sense and Lord knows they never, ever do anything that makes sense.

Things I’m Whole-Heartedly Sick Of

24 Aug

These are not only in general, but amazingly all pertain to Bad Boss as well! (what a surprise, huh?)  I’m sick to death of:

1 – Egos (never a good thing, always in the way, and greatly exaggerated greatness)

2 – Speaker phone conversations (shut the hell up or shut your door!)

3 – Hypocritical behavior  (tell me not to do something, then do it yourself – impressive)

4 – Fake, sucking up attitudes (does this really work for people, long-term?)

5 – People who strive to make things much harder than they ever need to be (refer back to the control issue)

6 – Total and complete lack of respect for me as a living, breathing human being  (put your trash in the can, your used toner cartridge away…not in bits on my desk…what am I your nanny or could you just not figure out how to get it back in the box because you are a total numb nuts?)

7 – Killing our environment (yet you have 3 kids – lead by example, you slob)

8 – Wasting time by repeating the same mistakes again and again and again (I have a list of these as well for your reference)

9 – A constant need for control (why don’t you control your temper, your bad attitude and a host of other things I’m happy to suggest while nicely attached to my foot up your ass?)

10 – Bad Bosses!!!!

Bad Bosses, life is too short.  We are here a mere instant in time.  Why do you have to make it so unpleasant each and every day when we are here to work for you?   People like you make me think that we will never evolve.

Signs of Screwdom

12 Aug

Yesterday, one of my secret plans came to a complete halt.  Bad Boss called me on my “work hours.”   Yes, it is the most asinine thing in the world based on several reasons that you all are privy too.   I knew I was screwed when I arrived at work yesterday morning to an email from the previous afternoon at 5:50 pm that said, “Are you still here??!”    Uh oh.  Uh, no…I wasn’t.   Being the passive-aggressive, diaper pooping baby that he is, Bad Boss was just setting out the bait for me.   Houdini, I am not.  First of all, the Man of Many Personalities SAW me leave at 5:20.    I do it all the time! 

Yesterday Morning scenario:  

I arrive at my usual 9:45ish.   Bad Boss comes flying out of his office and races the entire 30 feet to my desk and says, “What shift do you work??!”   Shift?   I didn’t realize we had shifts or a time clock and I’m a salaried manager.

Bad Boss:   “Are you quitting on me or something?”   Oh, God….how I fucking wish.  I had to bite my tongue on that one.

Me:   Stare blankly at him with no expression.

Bad Boss:   “Do you work 9:00 to 5:00 or 10:00 to 6:00 or whenever you feel like it?” 

Me:  Stare blankly at him with no expression.

Bad Boss:  “Sputter, sputter, blah, blah, phhhhhhhhtttttttttttt, sputter.”

Me:  Stare blankly at him with no expression.

Bad Boss:  “You need to tell me when you are leaving early or going anywhere or doing anything!”   Leaving early??  This from the man that never works 7 hours a day and disappears for days without telling me.

Me:  Stare blankly at him with no expression.

Bad Boss then races the 30 feet back into his office and slams the door and stays there for several hours.

Later that day….

Me:  Still sitting with blank expression on my face and silently cursing every tiny cell in Bad Boss’ body and thinking of anything I may have at home that I can sell that’d give me a couple months salary to fully do a job search…of which there is nothing.

Bad Boss:  “These cherry tomatoes someone left in the kitchen sure are good.”     

Me:  Stare blankly at him with no response.   Thinking in my head…”I hope one gets caught in your windpipe and guess who ain’t doing the Heimlich…”   I could write an entire blog post about things I wish he’d choke on….

Lastly, did he need me for anything at 5:50?  No.  Do we have ANY money-producing business?  No.  Is he just a controlling, mean bastard?  Yes.

Next Time – Pay It Backwards

While the Cat’s Away…

2 Aug

You know, the mouse will play!   It was so damn nice to come in this morning (at 10:30) and not be walking around on eggshells!   Oh, the relief!   It sure resounds the idea of a new job.   Anyway, in the meantime, I plan to enjoy my week without Bad Boss!   Here are some planned highlights:

1 – Come in late every day.   Leave early to make up for it.

2 – Take 1.5 – 2 hour lunches.  Get as many friends as I can to come and join me and the parking will be on Bad Boss’ dime!

3 – I may enjoy wine one day at lunch.

4 – Thanks to your great ideas, smear mayonnaise under Bad Boss’ desk on about Thursday.  Should be ripe by Monday.

5 – Listen to music all day long with my headphones and no one will be shouting to me from their offices and sing happily to myself.

6 – Sleep peacefully with no nightmares about Bad Boss…killing me or vice versa.

7 – Pry into our checkbooks to see how we are staying open and how much money the firm really has.  I know where he keeps the key.

8 – I may wear the same pants all week if I feel like it.

9 – Look for other jobs completely openly rather than somewhat stealthily like I usually do.

10 – TAKE FRIDAY OFF!!!

I have absolutely no remorse regarding such behavior.  I have more than earned it.   Hell, I’m just trying to stay alive at this point!

Next Time – The Absurdity of Bad Company Name Changes

Saturday Already?!

24 Jul

You know, having my sweet boob poked and being out a day and a half definitely had some positive aspects besides my very fortunate results.  With the flurry of appointments, it was Friday almost immediately and I didn’t have to go through that awful, dragging, endless time-space continuim that usually takes place Monday – Friday.  

I have got to find new ways to have the work hours pass more quickly.  Granted, now that I’m in my 40s time seems to fly by in general, but we all know those work hours during the week do not.  

Why am I thinking about this right now???   It is Saturday and I’m breaking one of my own Living Dilbert rules – “Do NOT think about anything work-related on the weekends!”    Sorry, it must be my brain trying to catch up from the missed work this week.  You know what will fix that?   Another cup of coffee, shower, shopping and Lifetime tv!

Hope you all have a wonderful Saturday – it feels so good to be writing again.  I think the spark may be back.

Tomorrow – Be Kind to Your Behind