Tag Archives: food

Top Five Coping Mechanisms

5 Apr

Hi – I’m still here…working away.  Wanted to check in because you all are so damn great.   Each day seems to get a little harder with my dadgum back.  It just insists on feeling like I’ve been pumped full of shotgum pellets and I know rod surgery is in my future!  I’m still dieting and am down…13 pounds!   Lady Surgeon only wanted me to lose 15, so I’m nearly there with 26 days til Decision Day to go!   Yay!   It hasn’t been easy..work has been SO busy…life…pain…work…pain…and all the annoying, self-involved asses in this world.   How does Living Dilbert manage to cope?  

Top 5 Living Dilbert Coping Mechanisms

1)  Dreaming of all the things I will eat after my surgery and I’m all gaunt and pale.  No one will have the heart to scold me.  Kind of hoping people will even bring me yummy things to eat.  I have a bucket list of foods I think about on an hourly basis.  

I miss you.

2)  I’m thin.  To all of my allegedly helpful people that constantly gave me back advice and how I should exercise more and to lose a few pounds with their cute little wink and ESPECIALLY to Doris Doomsday who says I’m too obesessed with food – well, bite me.  I’m thinner than you now and you can suck it.

3)  Make myself giggle.  When someone is ugly to me, I go into my teenage boy mode – I snicker about putting poop in their office or actually pooping in their office, on their doorstep, Fedexed to them, etc.   Face it, poop is funny.  However, poop is not funny when someone else does it before I have to go pee pee in our ladies room and it is stinky.

4) Plants vs. Zombies/Words With Friends – hooked.  Such wonderful escape time when I finally get home to bed even when most people whip my butt because I get the worst letters of all time.    Zombies, like poop, are funny. 

Go ahead, eat my brainz.

 5) Positive Attitude – this is a tough one some days.  Thank God, I usually have one about myself when I’m not planning other’s doom and destruction.  I have to chalk the good attitude up to my sweet Mom (who passed away several years ago), I do not know how she did it with all the tough parts about her life and HER back pain which started in her 40s too.  Mom, I know you are with me and it’s helping. 

 Don’t think I’m going all soft now – I still got lots of game.   Peace out.

What Pure Determination Can Accomplish

7 May

It has been a very tough few weeks and I mean TOUGH.   Here I am, five days a week with Bad Boss(es) and yet I took on an amazing challenge.   I decided to join a weight-loss contest with some former coworkers.  We’ve done it before and it appears the only way I can lose weight (if needed) is to be dared to compete by Big Brother or be offered cash money.   This contest is the latter.   You KNOW how Bad Boss causes carb cravings.   Yell=Doughnut, Yell=Pizza, Yell=Fried Anything.   Him being a a big terd makes me need all the things above 22 hours a day.   Yet, I’ve resisted!  Can you believe it?  Even my own body is in shock.   My body thinks I’ve abandoned my love for it.   I’ve been eating so healthy that it hurts.   I cry daily for all the bad (but, oh so good) stuff, but I continue to resist.   Can’t even watch one of my favorite things either – Food Network, because my stomach starts to audibly growl.   Ok, I’ve lost…..ready?……15 pounds!   Who thought one could do such a thing with will-power alone?!   I hate exercise…despise it, so I haven’t really done any, but to beat the other chick in the lead I may have to make an exception.  We’ve got two weeks to go (out of 10).  Plus, if the truth be known, I think Bad Boss is jealous. I can tell he’s had to battle the buldge in the past and he’s pretty sensitive about how he looks.   This is all Living Dilbert needs to fuel her fire!   Just to get under his skin!   Yay!

Every night when I fall asleep I have visions of food dancing in my head.  I know that I happily and knowingly use food as some type of emotional crutch, but you only live once!   My friends know that I can do some eating…and how I love it so!   Next lifetime, I’d like to be a person who is either a restaurant critic or someone that just drives around the country trying roadside places and then writing about them.  What a life!   Being paid to eat!   If I was a man, I’d even consider being on the competitive eating circuit.  

It makes you think.  What can you really DO if you set your mind to something?   You can do anything.