Honest Company Taglines

I should clarify…”Real Life Taglines for an Extremely Dysfunctional Law Firm” – new mottos for Shoulda Tried & Harder a/k/a Has Been, Has Been & Never Was:

We are just here for the coffee and free sodas!

Our firm really doesn’t want your business.

Our law firm is only for pretend purposes to fool our wives.

Book our firm, we won’t bill you and therefore it’s free!

We’d much rather talk about you, than for you!

We are better than you and you are stupid.

If reading internet news is your thing, we are your intown experts!

Sure, we seem nice, but in real life we are vampires!

If your company needs a professional ass-kisser, we’re your firm!

At our fine firm, we all went to Ivy League schools even though we can’t figure out how to fill a stapler!

If you need a firm that won’t even try and that will miss your deadlines, pick us!

Shoulda Tried & Harder, LLP, where losing money is our well-earned specialty.

Global? No.  Resourceful? No. Dependable? No.

Hey, if there is any honestly in advertising, they’d all be perfect.

  

Things Bad Bosses Don’t Give a Crap About…

Hope

Care & Compassion

Making money

Being kind

Donating…anything…ever

Charity work

The bottom line

My sanity

The planet

Getting their heads out of their asses

Healthcare

Farting aloud

Any other person

Any ideas they didn’t originate

Being polite

Social justice

Nancy Pelosi or any female politician for that matter

Profit/Loss theories

Having any sense whatsoever

Oh….this list could go on and on and on….I simply must do a Part 2 soon!

Tomorrow – More Observations on How to Fail in Business Without Even Trying

When a Raise is Not a Raise…

Doesn’t the mere title just sound stupid?  Yet, it has just happened to me.  Bad Boss actually told me he was taking something away…but, mind you, he was giving me a whopping 2% raise.  I’ve not had a raise in 2 years.   The thing he took away gave me more money per month than the raise…so, now I’m down $100+ a paycheck and he sits and smiles to himself that he gave little Living Dilbert a raise.   Oh, I know…you all shout, “Quit, Living Dilbert, quit!,” but it is not that easy.   The job market is still not an generous place to navigate right now, so I will bide my time….and plan Bad Boss’ demise.  Oh, I’ll find a way alright.  To say I’m disappointed in him would be a gross understatement, yet I’m asking myself at the same time why am I acting surprised?   He’s cheap and he’s thoughtless.  He likes to try to spin things to appear as if he is doing me a favor – always.   I should have KNOWN better.   Maybe hope springs eternal.  I’m not sure, but he’s done it to me for the last time.   I’m worth a lot more than he can imagine in his little calculating brain.

I am becoming something that I didn’t think I had in my psyche – vindictive.   I’ve always thought that word sounded so ugly and could never be a “good” thing, but I’m starting to think that it is not a bad choice of coping mechanisms for me at this present time.  I can find the most insignificant little ways to make his life miserable and I plan on invoking them immediately.   He thinks he can outsmart me because he has a schlong?   I think not.   I have a lot more on my side – I am now a woman scorned and I have a score to settle.  Do NOT mess with my effing paycheck.  You have crossed the line.   Why do Bad Boss people who have a good thing have to go and screw it up?

Bad Boss, do not be cheap with me – it is not going to bode well for you in the long run.  Trust me on this.

Tomorrow – The Power of a Smile (and How Bad Bosses Just Don’t Get It)