Archive | May, 2010

In Their Honor

31 May

Memorial Day commemorates all the U.S. men and women who have died while in military service (and dates back to the Civil War).   No matter your political views or thoughts on the necessity of military service, these incredible human beings gave their lives..their lives in order to protect our freedom and country.  In their honor…

Chance has never yet satisfied the hope of a suffering people. Action, self-reliance, the vision of self and the future have been the only means by which the oppressed have seen and realized the light of their own freedom. Marcus Garvey

For love of country they accepted death… -James A. Garfield

Thank you for all you have done for us. 

Tomorrow – If It’s Tuesday, This Must Be…

Happy Days

30 May

A happy day on a Sunday?   Well, it all comes back to that “taking back” my Sundays.  However, this one is extra easy because it’s a three-day weekend!  Whoopee!!! 

Fine.  I miss Big Brother.  There is something so strong about that bond and with our parents being gone…he is my one bit of true blood family.  Spending time with BB, his incredible wife and my niece was the trifecta.   I saw them for two days and I cried when I left.  Me, big, tough Living Dilbert. 

Good thing I have an extra day to recover with Main Squeeze.   A magnificent Sunday will include sleeping late, lots of coffee, lounging and an alcohol-infused visit with great friends on their new deck.   I can relax because I can sleep late Monday too.  What else could we ask for?   I’m going to pretend that I have amnesia until Tuesday morning.   Bad Boss, who??

Tomorrow – In Their Honor

Montgomery Biscuits

29 May

Sounds kind of funny, huh?  I am visiting Big Brother in Montgomery and last night he treated me to a minor league baseball game.  Being from the “big city” I pictured us sitting outside in a hot, dusty field.   Boy, was Living Dilbert wrong.  In a nutshell – it was the best game I’ve ever been to.   Beautiful stadium, incredibly clean and amazing food vendors…who were actually NICE!   I’m not used to that in Big City.   You are lucky if you get a grunt in response to a food order at a game, much less any eye contact or a kind word.  The vendors were not only nice, they smiled and spoke to you!  True to the team name, you could even get biscuits and gravy for dinner if you wanted…not just the standard hotdog stuff!   The boiled peanuts were to die for….huge, perfect consistency paired with a deliciously salty seasoning.  It made thoughts of Bad Boss drift far away…that and the $2.00 (very cold) beer!  

If you are ever in the Montgomery, AL area…treat yourself to a Biscuits game.  It was the perfect start of a long, holiday weekend.  There is a lot to enjoy in life…and where you least expect it.

Tomorrow – Happy Days

Unspoken Words?

28 May

Bad Boss:

“Thank you.”;  “Hello.”;  “How are you doing?”; “Gosh, thanks for doing that.”; “Thanks for staying late.”; “You are a great employee.”; “You know, I never thought of that.”; “Good point.”; “I appreciate you.”; “Thanks so much for thinking of that and saving my ass for the umpteenth time.”; “Have a great day off.”; “Have a great vacation.”

Useless Coworker:

“Thank you.”; “I’m an idiot.”; “I should have thought of that.”; “I’m sorry I cried yesterday and had a fit at you.”; “Thanks for being patient with me the last two years.” “I’m so lucky to have this job.”; “Thanks for ordering that for me.”; “Do you like my exercise ball chair?”; “I’m sorry I don’t know my a-hole from my elbow.”; “Sorry I forgot to refill the copier, fridge, water, anything I use – again.”


“I hate it here.”; “You are all buffoons.”; “My head is going to explode if you even look at me.”; “Did you really just tell that client his daughter needs to find a good man?”; “Are we going out of business?”; “Why don’t you get off your ass and make some phone calls?”; “Do you have a trust fund?”

The Universe:

“Get out!”;  “Run for your life.”; “Murder is wrong.”; “Keep looking for another job…don’t give up hope.”

Tomorrow – Montgomery Biscuits

The Sweet Life of Useless Coworker

27 May

Ahhh….I’m continually amazed at how sweet her life seems to be.  She has no rules and regulations here at Passive-Aggressive & Angry.   Perhaps because she is older and prone to crying fits, Bad Bosses seem afraid to say anything to her because they can’t find their nads with a flashlight.

How is her work life far sweeter than mine?

1 – Last year I think she only worked about 10 months which was  WAY over the 3 weeks of time off they allegedly promised her, but I’ve never seen in writing.  Oh yes, that’s right…Bad Boss has never given her an offer letter even though she’s been here over 2 years.

2 – She gets sick when the wind changes direction and does not hesitate going home after coughing all over the office and making the hair on the back of my neck stand up with her constant hacking.

3 – In the past, she literally brought in an exercise ball and sat on it for weeks in place of her chair and no one said a word (except me…but, I’m figuratively voiceless).  Right now, under her cube in plain view…she has work out clothes, food, a blanket, a pillow, a yoga mat and a couple of pair of shoes.

4 – She has not learned anything, but cries when she is called on it and everyone backs down (except me…see #3).  I once started a list of reasons she is a loose cannon, but Bad Boss had serious shrinkage and said, “We can’t do that.  We can’t make a list of her inadequacies.”  Really, oh He of Small Nadville…why the hell not?

5 – She always asks Bad Boss #2 if she can go home and then will come by my desk and say, “So and So said I could go home.”   I would love to respond with my real thoughts one day….oh, the possibilities.  I’m trying not to cuss on WordPress.   Go, you worthless pile of POO!

She makes me nuts and I know I talk about her a lot.   She never replenishes anything she uses or empties anything she fills.  I want to knock her down.  Oh,…I can’t because my bosses are too afraid we’ll get sued.   I guess I’ll just wait for her to fall into my booby trap.   She’s certainly a boob.

Tomorrow – Unspoken Words?

Dear Clients….

26 May

Not only do I have to deal with Bad Bosses, I have to deal with Clients that set them off.  Please know that generally I like clients…and I do all I can to make them happy and pleased.  They are our bread and butter, right?

However, Living Dilbert hates Clients that just don’t use their head.  

People, if you are going to send us a “password-protected” document for our review, did it perhaps occur to you that we need the PASSWORD??   Instead, I’m stuck with a gorilla banging his chest because he can’t get into the document that YOU sent him.  See my quandary?

Another thing I’d appreciate from you, dear Client?   Please don’t promise Bad Boss you will send him something or call him and then not do so until a Sunday morning or a Friday night or anytime that is really pretty crappy of you.   It sets him off and who is his emotional punching bag?  ME.   I will really dislike you if you continue to do that and most certainly will resent you.  Plus, I can promise you he is going to charge you extra if you annoy him.

Lastly, don’t be mad at me because I have to ask you who you are when you call.  I can’t help it.  Bad Boss makes me screen all his calls and he likes to know “who is calling and what you want” – do you think I give a crap what you want?  Honestly, I have bigger fish to fry.   If you call enough times, I’ll recognize your number and greet you by name….but, most of our clients don’t stick around long enough.  

If you are a nice and decent human being, I will move heaven and earth for you.  It’s just in my blood from years of client service.   I love you when you are nice!  I know it isn’t your fault that Bad Boss is mean.   If you don’t agitate Bad Boss (a/k/a the hornet’s nest), we’ll get along just fine.

Tomorrow – The Suite Sweet Life of Useless Coworker

My Useless Coworkers Have a Roach Fetish

25 May

Try as I might (oh..and I do), my coworkers seem to want our office to be infested by roaches.   It’s gross!   Gosh, what are some sure-fire ways to get roaches in your offices too?

1- Leave a half-full soda can on your desk for several days.   Bonus points if it is an extra-sugary soda.

2- Leave dirty dishes in the sink or on the counter even if there are only about effing 3 of us who even use dishes.  I KNOW who the eff you are!

3- Drop crumbs and nasty-ass stuff all over your desk and floor and leave it there.

4- Be a food hoarder.

5- Be a dumb-ass.

Any single item or combination of the above could result in some serious infestation.   Apparently, our former next door neighbors on this floor were brazen slobs and the roaches are starving to death.   A couple of folks have had to do battle in their offices with roaches the size of chipmunks.  Thankfully, this has not happened to me.  One good thing about sitting so out in the open…the roaches avoid my space.   Also, I’m not a fricking slob and I clean my desk and don’t leave anything behind.

One good thing about the roaches?   The other day, one nearly did Useless Coworker in…you’d think I’d hired the little bugger.   Useless came by my desk looking paler than usual and she told me she’d just used the ladies room and she’d had a dreadful experience.   She recounted with horror how she sat down to potty and a live roach dropped into her lap (from the ceiling)!   Can you imagine?    I smiled for days just thinking about it!   It made me giggle uncontrollably!   Worried that my karma will eventually catch up with me , I always look up when I head to the ladies room now and I do a full reconnaissance mission before taking care of any needed business.

Man, wish I’d had a camera in there.  Wonder which creature was the most surprised?  I already know which one is smarter.

Tomorrow – Dear Clients….

The Stupidest Thing I’ve Ever Heard

24 May

Some days I sit at my desk in pure bewilderment.  I hear and see things that seem absolutely and incrediby stupid.  The really scary component is that Bad Bosses and Useless Coworker think they are highly intelligent and superior to the majority of the human population.   It is almost like watching a television show some days, a mental “Survivor” show.   If only I could vote some of them off!

Bad Boss # 2 brought me 3 pages to type.   I looked at him with an understandably quizzical look on my face (and it was 5:00 p.m.) and he said, “Oh, I forgot my assistant was here today.  She’s so quiet.”   Are you kidding me ?  She was just gone for 2 weeks on vacation.   We have a very, very small office and you forgot your one and only dedicated assistant is here?   See how much we interact?  Our office is beyond dysfunctional.   You have 10 people at any given time, in very close proximity and none of them will speak with each other or even acknowledge the others’ existance.

As you already know, Bad Boss tried to tell me my Useless Coworker “makes more than he does.”   In his puny mind, I guess he felt justified in that thought, but how stupid can he think I am?

Bad Boss #3 asks me weekly what time the mail goes out – well, the same time every day – STILL. 

All of these men allegedly have top of the line college and legal educations.   All graduated at the top 2% of their class.  While typing this…I think I just figured it out.   They have been paid for years not to think for themselves when it comes to using any form of common sense.   They couldn’t think their way out of a soaking wet paper sack.  

I guess that’s why they pay me the big bucks…..I get to do it for them and smile while doing so.  If I can just refrain myself from shouting, “That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” at the top of my lungs.

Tomorrow – Useless Coworkers Have a Roach Fetish

Lazy on a Sunday Afternoon

23 May

…and I’m obviously lazy, because I’m just now getting out my post!   Hearing about my regular life may be a little boring, but it’s been a good day!  Went to hear a friend sing in her choir at church.  Can you believe it?  Living Dilbert went to church!   I was not raised in any type of organized religion, so I usually find churches a little intimidating, but today was lovely and she did such a great job.

Sunday afternoons are great for relaxing, being with friends OR…doing some dreaded cleaning.  Since Living Dilbert  has to clean up after others at work, I rarely like to clean at home!   However, tumbleweeds are beginning to pass me as I go down the hall and I’m going to have to make an exception in my cleaning practices.   Home is my refuge, so it would be cool if it was a bit nicer.  

Hope you all are having a lovely Sunday afternoon doing whatever you are doing.   Let’s all be thankful it isn’t Monday!

Tomorrow – The Stupidest Thing I’ve Ever Heard

Saturday, Blissful Saturday

22 May

Thank God, I made it.  It is Saturday!!!   Yippee!

Reasons to love Saturday?

Coffee in bed, birds singing, sun shining (or rain falling….I don’t really care), no ringing phones, no Bad Boss faces in mine, no overt stupidity to handle, precious time with Main Squeeze, more coffee, maybe a little candy, a movie?, good times with friends, new restaurants, pjs, newspaper…books.    Life!!!

I hope you enjoy your weekend too!  Thank for so much for reading and it’s such a huge pleasure hearing from you all.  I can’t tell you how much it helps my days with Bad Boss!

Tomorrow – Lazy on a Sunday Afternoon